pierce the darkness

From Him, Through Him, to Him

2009-10-28T22:13:00.002-04:00

God's great universe, all made by Him, through Him and, for Him. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1). As most anyone would readily admit, something can't come from nothing, so all that exists must come from something. God's act of creation is not even necessarily reduced to His power to overcome the Laws of Nature, through He is most surely capable. Instead, God's great essence of truth acts out of his blessed consistency to create the world out of something--but what? What else could've existed with God except God? A better question might be to ask "Who?" as another was present. In the beginning was the Word; the Living Word of God is Christ, given for us. To modify Romans 11:36 by using the Word for Jesus, for from the Word, and through the Word and to Him are all things. It is no accident that the World was created by the spoken word of God. Jesus is both the origin of all that exists in this Earth, but he is the purpose, the telos, the end which every action and thing points towards. All is for him, but all is also created by Him, through his dynamic, self-existence.

"Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!
For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who became his counselor?
To Him be the glory forever. Amen."

nate.

Grad

2009-06-05T23:59:00.003-04:00

Wow.

I am no longer a high schooler. I don't quite know what to feel, or how to describe what I am feeling. Bittersweet might be accurate, but that's not quite right. 13 years at my beloved alma-mater have left me even longing for change. 4 years with many different friends have left me longing for more of the same. I'm definitely an imposter--smiling for the pictures, schmoozing with parents and teachers. I haven't really feel like a graduate yet, but the small piece of parchment says otherwise.

Today, however, was the culmination of graduation, showing me how I made it this far. Everyone has played a significant role, big or small. Gathering today helped me to have closure, celebrating the end of a journey with my mentors, my friends, and my family.

Teachers who have been sometimes my task masters, always my advocates, and always my friends

Friends who have been so much more than the title can describe.

Family members who have given me a tradition of faithfulness to challenge and encourage me.

Thanks for celebrating with me today. It fills me with joy. I wouldn't have it any other way. I am now ready for the next phase.

I have now officially graduated.

nate.

Salty Grave

2009-04-28T20:58:00.004-04:00

Why do some days just suck? Who knows. Somehow, the perversity of life seems to heap one misfortune after another, until my head protrudes from a pile of garbage and un-wanted mess.

It's that day;
That day when you don't hear the alarm until maximum volume about five minutes late,
That day when nothing important seems to happen,
That day when none of your baseballs seem to travel where you intended,
That day when your baseball coach hits you in the head with a baseball.

It's that day, when I retreat into my shell and hunker down until Life's blows subside. When I await the moment that he puts away his boxing gloves, when I can regroup in my safe place.

It's that day when you just want to go to sleep earlier so the day will end, and tomorrow will start anew.

God, give me the faith to praise you as I drown. As I flounder in Life's trash can, I want the kind of faith that won't scream in anger, or throw baseball equipment, or even find other ways of releasing agony and frustration. A faith that will instead take my frustrations and my emotions, and nail them to the cross with Jesus--a place where He takes them on himself. Though I may or may not still feel the feelings, my spirit will be enabled by His spirit so that I can praise Him. That day was not today, but I pray for an ever-increasing outpouring of His spirit.

"There is something to say
About being desperate, down and low
Giving a chance to see what it all can mean
There is something to say
About being desperate, down and low

Upon my arrival, I either learn to swim or drown
As I struggle for air I see only water
And I reach for anything as I cry for help
I feel my body growing week slipping away,
It occurs to me that my cries are worthless
Acknowledging death, I no longer mourn my own loss
And begin to sing praises to the one that has me here
As I sink to my salty grave I drown
No hand to reach for, no ear to listen

Let it be a sweet sound, sweet sound… In your ear

Up to the light I will sing praises; surely we will all die
Up to the light I will sing praises because surely we will all die"

"Salty Grave"

nate.

That Nature is a Heraclitean Fire and of the Comfort of the Resurrection

2009-04-09T23:06:00.004-04:00

Driving home from church tonight, I saw a beautiful sight. Just above the sharp outline of leaf-less tree branches, a large, red moon stared back at me, almost perfectly mirroring the pensive mood with which I left our service tonight. Holy week, as this week before Easter is often called, is quite an emotional week. With two baseball games, the looming shadow of exams, and the soon end of school, the "Easter feeling" has had an unusually small role in my week. In the busyness of my recent life, autopilot kicked in, and Easter has taken a backseat. Tonight, as I sat in our Maundy Thursday service, I began to think about the events leading up to what we call Easter.

Think of the disciples, what would they be doing right now? (Thursday night at about 10:30). Tonight is the night of the Last Supper, and Jesus knew he was to be crucified--brutally slaughtered in one of the most gruesome deaths possible. How could anyone be joyful, or even consider stooping to wash the feet of his followers.

He did.

Being fully God and fully man, Jesus could've stopped it all. Angels, cherubs, the weather, and anything else imaginable was at his command, and yet he suffered. Who, in anticipation of this horrid death, would pray, "Not my will, but yours be done"?

He did.

Whose purpose was so entangled with God's that he was willing to be simultaneously guilty of all sins of the world and separated from God, his father, his ultimate joy and comfort?

I know mine is not. But that is the whole point of Easter: We can't. We cannot do what Jesus did. That is the message of Good Friday. He took our punishment for everything we ever will do and in doing that, he paid the price we are unable to pay. He defeated death so that we can spend eternity glorifying and enjoying God. We cannot be Jesus. He lived a perfect life; I am imperfect everyday. It is, however, his death that frees us from the chains that bind. Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow. Through his horrible death, we, as Christians, now own a power over sin, over death. We are no longer slaves to sin! We are now able to chose to not sin! We are free! We are not "in Adam", our identity is not in man, but instead, we are "in Christ"! We have a new spirit, a spirit that has the power to satisfy our deepest longings, the power to break free of sin, and, most importantly, the power to become more like Christ. We now become "children of God", heirs to his kingdom. Now we have victory over the systems of this world. We are now able to claim victory, through Jesus, against many things.

Satan tempts me frequently and I fail. Jesus is Risen!!
I am addicted to weed and cigarettes. Jesus is Risen!!
I am full of pride. Jesus is Risen!!
My parents are divorced. Jesus is Risen!!
My life is full of pain and suffering Jesus is Risen!!

Claim the power that we are given through His death and resurrection! Christ went down and whooped the devil for three days, then He came back to life, declaring victory over Death itself. We have this power, through His spirit in us. By taking hold of his power, we not only break sin and temptation, but we have the power to love without bounds and to have the same agape as God! We have an awesome God, take hold of his power and own it!

nate.

Love's as warm as tears,
Love is tears:
Pressure within the brain,
Tension at the throat,
Deluge, weeks of rain,
Haystacks afloat,
Featureless seas between
Hedges, where once was green

Love's as fierce as fire,  
Love is fire:
All sorts--Infernal heat
Clinkered with greed and pride,  
Lyric desire, sharp-sweet,
Laughing, even when denied,  
And that empyreal flame  
Whence all loves came.  

Love's as fresh as spring,
Love is spring:
Bird-song in the air,
Cool smells in a wood,
Whispering "Dare! Dare!"
To sap, to blood,
Telling "Ease, safety, rest,
Are good; not best."

Love's as hard as nails,
Love is nails:  
Blunt, thick, hammered through  
The medial nerves of One  
Who, having made us, knew  
The thing He had done,
Seeing (what all that is)
Our cross, and His.  

C.S. Lewis - LOVE'S AS WARM AS TEARS

Who are you?

2009-03-09T23:39:00.001-04:00

My alarm clock rips me from a peaceful sleep as another day begins. After a shower and some breakfast, my sister and I then make the rush to the car and the sometimes frantic effort to be on time. The music takes my mind off any other thoughts, and dropping off my sister I mindlessly slip into these very welcoming red seats for another morning assembly. After a day of continuous class, from one tile floor to another, guided by the ever-present florescent lights to another 45 minutes of quality education. As the minute hand swings to mark the end of school, I hop into my car and turn up the music for the 2 minute ride up to baseball. Baseball ends and I move into a second round of school through my homework, filling my brain with noises, numbers, and over forms of sensory noise. Why is it that we cram our schedules with meeting after meeting? Practice after practice? Sound after sound?

If I may, I ask you to take a minute to reflect the past month. What was your favorite activity? At which point in time did you most enjoy your life over the past few weeks? What is the one thing that most excited and enlivened your personality and your intellect? Was it your alarm clock? Was it the countless lunch meetings you are involved in? Was it the constant stream of noise, both audible and visual, filling your perception? To answer for myself, the noise and hurry of my life is by no means my favorite activity, but somehow.. it manages to organize a usurpation of my diversions and educational joys. In the rush of my school life, time and time again I lose sight of who I am.

Know Who You Are!

It is essential, for our development as individuals of dreams and ambitions, to recognize what we are meant to do! Though I say this easily, I cannot say what I will be doing in 5 years, or even what my college major will be. It is very important, however, not necessarily to have specific ideas of what we will be doing, but instead to know ourselves.

Know Who You Are!

High school is often characterized as a time of maturation (hopefully) and of self-discovery. The activities which one pursues define “Committing yourself is a way of finding out who you are. A man finds his identity by identifying.” In that, we find out the things that we love to do, the activities that really ignite our passion and intellect. Sophomore year, when a younger Nathan Tilley walked into Mr. Zuraws room, he had no idea how much Moot Court would come to mean in his life. Additionally, when I decided sophomore year to move ahead to junior AP English with Mr. Moore, I wouldn’t have dreamed of how that decision has shaped my love for writing and for literature. Each of these activities played a key role in determining who I am, what I enjoy doing, and what I want to do in the future. Abraham Maslow said, “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be.”

Know Who You Are!

Realizing who you are is essential to not only your happiness, but your success. Your identity and your success go hand in hand. Many people sacrifice their identities by not doing what they really want to do. And that's why they're not successful. Your identity and your success go hand in hand. Many people sacrifice their identities by not doing what they really want to do. And that's why they're not successful. Your identity and your success go hand in hand. Many people sacrifice their identities by not doing what they really want to do. And that's why they're not successful. Your identity and your success go hand in hand. Many people sacrifice their identities by not doing what they really want to do. And that's why they're not successful. Your identity and your success go hand in hand. Many people sacrifice their identities by not doing what they really want to do. And that's why they're not successful.

It is not the things that we do that define our purpose and our existence, but instead, it is the way we treat others and the way that we chose to live our lives.

Know Who You Are!

God is good!

2009-03-08T20:19:00.002-04:00

I haven't written anything in forever! Things have been crazy, but really awesome at the same time. I will write something soon, but in the meantime all I have to say is this:

God is good! All the time! His love endures forever!!!

nate.

Isolation

2009-02-18T22:38:00.002-05:00

YES: in the sea of life enisled,
With echoing straits between us thrown.
Dotting the shoreless watery wild,
We mortal millions live alone.
The islands feel the enclasping flow,
And then their endless bounds they know.

But when the moon their hollows lights,
And they are swept by balms of spring,
And in their glens, on starry nights,
The nightingales divinely sing;
And lovely notes, from shore to shore,
Across the sounds and channels pour;

O then a longing like despair
Is to their farthest caverns sent!
For surely once, they feel, we were
Parts of a single continent.
Now round us spreads the watery plain—
O might our marges meet again!

Who order'd that their longing's fire
Should be, as soon as kindled, cool'd?
Who renders vain their deep desire?—
A God, a God their severance ruled;
And bade betwixt their shores to be
The unplumb'd, salt, estranging sea.

To Marguerite; by Matthew Arnold

On The Human Intellect

2009-02-15T21:47:00.002-05:00

With respect to intellectual achievement, many in history had great knowledge. Their cerebral passages were filled with infallible logic and countless files of information. The understanding, to which they clung, however, was of their own intellect, based on a self-serving sense of scholastic superiority. Knowledge and human understanding is nothing without a deep-rooted faith in the source of all knowledge. In a Darwinian worldview, how can any man trust his brain, a deceptive product of what he believes to be years of development. The belief that all knowledge comes from within ourselves would be frightening, as evolution might not be complete, so the intellectual tenants to whom we cling may be inaccurate. Within the chaos of human ignorance, God gives us an opportunity to believe in the one who is infallible, one who is omniscient and omnipotent. Faith is having complete trust in the sovereignty of God and this is the foundation to all understanding. Through God’s redemptive work of sanctification, God provides us with the understanding that brings our faith to completion. God’s Word, the Bible, is the key to understanding, but He speaks through history, the arts, the works of men, and many other mediums. Faith is the starting foundation, upon which God fills us with his Spirit and opens our eyes to his wonderful presence in all parts of our human existence.

nate.

Faith Seeking Understanding

iceberg.

2009-02-10T22:05:00.003-05:00

I'm not feeling too profound tonight. Actually, I'm feeling quite tired. The past two weeks have been pretty killer with lots of stuff to work on and too much to do on the weekends. Between our homecoming weekend and going snowboarding, I have missed seeing those whom I enjoy the most up until last weekend, and I am wearing out. School life is picking up. Calculus is hard again, physics is frustrating to the point of anger, and my bedtime has once again shifted back to an average of 12 or 12:30 (no good). Socially, I have had some interesting weekends spending, surprisingly, a lot of time with GDS friends at homecoming festivities. The game was fun and the dance was actually very fun and relaxed, but still, little sleep. The next weekend, after much deliberating over a time to go, I went snowboarding with my cousin and his two sons, both about 10 yrs old. I love snowboarding, and it was a great time riding, but the boys wore me out and I was very tired of talking by the end of the weekend. My weeks have been filled with mindless noise, and I am feeling the weight of it all. As baseball now is starting up, my free time is slowly closing and the light under the doorway is dimming. At Core, the video on silence really hit me hard in the midst of my busyness, even in the context of church events and worship practices. I sat, in silent reflection, and saw all that I pack my life with. Looking over the next two weeks, things are not looking good and I feel like I've become a giant iceberg, slowly floating along, completely unaware of all that his beneath. In my tiredness, I enter survival mode, only moving to get through the next 40 minutes of spanish, or trying to survive the last 20 minutes of batting practice. I'm not sure quite why I wanted to write this out, but I'm not going to provide any happy Bible verse to end this with, that would be untrue of my sentiments. I will just leave you where I am at, waiting for the ice to break.

What is that sound high in the air
Murmur of maternal lamentation
Who are those hooded hordes swarming
Over endless plains, stumbling in cracked earth
Ringed by the flat horizon only
What is the city over the mountains
Cracks and reforms and bursts in violet air
Falling towers
Jerusalem Athens Alexandria
Vienna London
Unreal
A woman drew her long black hair out tight
And fiddled whisper music on those strings
And bats with baby faces in the violet light
Whistled, and beat their wings
And crawled head downward down a blackened wall
And upside down in air were towers
Tolling reminiscent bells, that kept the hours
And voices singing out of empty cisterns and exhausted wells.
In this decayed hole among the mountains,
In the faint moonlight, the grass is singing
Over the tumbled graves, about the chapel
There is the empty chapel, only the wind's home.
It has no windows, and the door swings,
Dry bones can harm no one.
Only a cock stood on the rooftree
Co co rico co co rico
In a flash of lightning. Then a damp gust
Bringing rain

(From T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland")

nate.

On the Unknown Future

2009-01-29T21:46:00.004-05:00

You know that feeling?

Standing, with no other thoughts, looking out into the ocean.
That feeling, so ethereal, that something greater surrounds you, and you are paralyzed.
That the expanse you face is about to swallow you in it's deep blue depths.
That sound, as the surf speaks its soft secrets, the blissful joys of life.
That feeling, of warm sand on bare feet, fresh with the smiles of sunshine recently passed.

The corners of my mouth relax into a smile as I reflect on days most recent and the ocean of feelings I've experienced. Times are moving, both in good ways and in hard ways. With all I leave behind, and all that is before me, I feel, once again, like an adolescent wading into the depths of the great sea. Wet sand creeps between my toes, but the sweet sunshine beckons me into the warm waves of joy. It is great to be back in Papa's arms, I hide so frequently, but again and again he cares for me. I don't understand

He tells me "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, to give you a hope and a future."

I know you hear, but have you heard? He tells you too

nate.

Momento Mori... Carpe Diem!

2009-01-20T21:33:00.003-05:00

I am Nathan's worried mind. What if she thinks the wrong thing? What if he sees us? What if I get rejected? What if the police get called? What if it sucks? What if I won't like it? I cover his frazzled brain, skewing decision-making and overloading his thoughts with an overabundance of logic and foresight. Useless ponderings, I calculate every possibility and weigh the costs and benefits. My stock market is of enjoyable endeavours and the possible outcomes or consequences. He gambles occasionally, but more often my calculations pour out of his mouth as annoying "what if"s. Laughing, I turn back to my computer to calculate more bad scenarios.

Worry is such a big deal. Why does it so control me? I hop on the merry-go-round of worry and the longer I think, the faster I go. The faster I go, the less fun I have. Finally, I flop to the ground, exhausted from the violent spinning. Where is the fun? Where is my joy?

Now for a qualifier--worry is not the same as good sense. Being sensible definitely pays off, however, worry is like a good sense merry-go-round spun out of control. The Freudian superego accelerates you beyond the realm of logic and reason and into the void of tiresome fretting. At that point, the playground loses its fun and you lie in the mulch, watching the trees spinning above.

As risk-reward analysis goes, I have lost perspective. What constitutes reward for me is not necessarily correlating to my concept of risk. Risk for me ranges from risking my reputation, my image, to risking my grade. Not too heavy. That is where my problem lies--my little box of safety is not rocking the boat, keeping things under control, telling people what they want to hear.

Thinking back on recent breaches of my bubble wrap layers, I put mayonaise on a kid's car handle at school. I'm a terrible person, I know. As I watched him slide his hand into the greasy egg-based condiment, my stomach dropped, and my mind began to run scenarios in which my car was covered in flour, or my windshield was smeared with peanut butter. It was then that I stopped. I kept quiet behind the bush in which I hid. I didn't run in nervous fright, but I sat and savored the joy of rocking the boat.

I am not giving a sublime message for all to unleash the inner miscreant. Vandalism is not the solution. Most days, the remedy to my worry is to relax. I don't need to seek some perfect activity to heal my condition, but I must spend time listening to Papa, remembering all that he has brought me through, and filling my heart with the hope of a life in Him--playing a role in His redemptive story. Life brings joy everday, and it is all about seeing the cold milk in our glass, and savoring our friendships.

Remember you will die... Seize the Day!

nate.

addicted.

2009-01-12T22:33:00.004-05:00

Hi, my name is Nathan (hi nathan..), and I'm addicted to music.

When I was 7 or 8 years old, I first tried it. I started with easy things, not too much weight. Back in the day, K-LOVE was the majority of what I listened to. Yes, K-LOVE, and the 10 songs that they play over and over again. I loved it. Avalon, Point of Grace, Plus One (the christian substitute for boy bands), Third Day, and many more were the joys of my early childhood. To this day, I could sing lyrics to most Avalon songs, and I can still hear the incredible harmonies. Entering middle school, my musical taste began to shift to heavier more addictive forms. To get my daily fixes, I turned to gradually more "edgy" styles of music for the time. I still can remember how mature I felt going into the Christian bookstore (ha) and purchasing the Skillet CD, Collide (which I still love), and I remember being embarrassed to let my family hear the grating guitars and the pounding drums.

Though Skillet was definitely big, no one was, has, or probably will be as influential as Relient K has been to my musical development. It is fairly embarrassing to my now hopefully-cultured musical taste to reflect on the roots to my musical selections, but hey, it's what I liked. As a qualifier, I'm not talking about Relient K being uncultured. By no means. I love them. Really. I have every album that they have (and all the EPs), but its really sweet that I've actually bought all except for the first when they actually came out. I got to see them mature, right along with me. As with Avalon, I know every Relient K song lyrics; just ask anyone who knows me. Right about when the Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek came out (6th grade-ish), I got a drumset. Starting by jamming at my friend's house occasionally, I began to learn the ways of the skin set, and I have never looked back. Until now that is. After getting my drumset, I spent the next year annoying the daylights out of my family and keeping my neighbors up at un-godly hours of the night. Yea... sorry. I started playing along to songs, a lot of Relient K and Skillet, and that is about the time that my musical taste really began to evolve.

Middle school was my great expedition into the world of secular music. Whole new genres opened up and I found tons of new music. Linkin Park (another quality group...) was definitely a great new addition, and many others came along. I started to discover heavier and heavier types of music. My first heavy bands were definitely Dead Poetic and Demon Hunter, both good solid christian groups, but to this day I still listen to both (Demon Hunter only occasionally ha). At that point, I thought Underoath was a bit grating. Oh, how far I've come. Along with these bands, I started listening to Living Sacrifice, my first truly "metal" band. They are pretty intense, and to this day, they are probably one of the heaviest bands that I listen to. It really suprises me to think how much I liked them when I first heard them. My afternoons during middle school were comprised of hours spent on purevolume.com, an online music site. There I discovered Tooth and Nail Records and Solid State Records, still my two favorite recording groups.

To put aside my hardcore aspiritions for a moment, I also began to become personally very involved in music. I loved concert band. Since the 5th grade, I played trombone, then I learned the euphonium (google it), and eventually in high school, I played the Tuba!. Outside of school, I began to play drums for a worship band at church with Deej, Spence, RJ, Christian, and Staci (for like 2 seconds). Luke Mitchell started us playing together and we loved hanging out, jamming, and playing worship. As middle schoolers, we were not too bad. I'm certain that we definitely overrated ourselves for how good we really are. Again, I've come a long way. As a short aside, I tried to sing Sadie Hawkins dance in 7th grade, since I was the only one who knew all of the lyrics. Needless to say, they still make fun of my for it, and it scarred my singing abilities for years. Singing is definitely not my gift, but I have, again, come a long way, and I can now sing adequately. We played worship for the middle school and this was definitely where I began to feel the pull towards music.

My addiction was now unbreakable. Between school, home, and church, I was always immersed in music. Back to my personal music, I have always had a unique musical taste, and middle school was no exception. At any moment, I could be listening to my christian classics (Relient K, and the likes), my newly-discovered hardcore music, classical music, or classic funk (Oh, Earth, Wind, & Fire is so amazing). In general, however, I definitely was leaning towards metal and hardcore. During my freshman year, I began to listen to tons of new music. Recently discovered were The Showdown, Underoath, Chiodos, and along with others I became more inclined towards heavier music. Another prominent group who I have neglected to mention is P.O.D. They have done much to shape my music as well, for better or for worse (ha). It does well, however, to mention that during my freshman year I saw Aerosmith play with Lenny Kravitz, if that says anything for how weird my musical taste was. During my sophomore year, my hair started getting long (ugh..), and I started going to shows. The hardcore scene, especially the OFY shows, became the focus of my musical, and much of my social life.

Strangely enough, much of what I listened to was not hardcore. I developed, mostly through my Dad, a love for Jazz and soul music, especially listening to Tower of Power, the W's, and other ska like the O.C. Supertones. For smooth jazz, we had the 101.1 Talk FM Smooth Jazz weekend (its your time....) where I discovered the joy and beauty of jazz music. Jeff Lorber and Dave Brubeck are only two examples of the wonderful genre in which I often find myself today. Through high school, I have played in the Jazz band every Wednesday after school. After learning the ins-and-outs of Jazz, I began to play improve solos, and now I have become one of the cornerstones for our Jazz Band. It's incredible to see how far I've come.

Back to the hardcore scene, Mitchell and J.P. introduced me to shows, and I had lots of fun hanging out, being with musicians, but most importantly--dancing. Hardcore dancing cannot be described in words; if you really want to know what it is, ask J.P. sometime. It is hilarious to watch, but it is suprisingly fun, and is a great way to feel like you are actually awesome (I definitely was not ha). Being on the outside of the scene, I began to play more frequently with our church band, and we were definitely improving. We began to play some stuff outside of church just for fun, and we wrote some songs. I spent many Saturdays and Thursdays in the High School room disturbing the peace, playing lazer tag, eating someone else's ice-cream, and who knows what else. Those were definitely good times and we all developed a lot as musicians.

Due to various issues and changes within worship at the Core, I now play as part of the worship team, not as part of a specific band. It's been fun more recently to play a lot more percussion and make use of my music theory more than just playing in a band. I knew all those years of concert band would pay off eventually. But, I digress. To fast forward to today, my musical taste has gone through many changes, additions, and all sorts of evolutions. I have gone through harcore phases, jazz phases, classical phases, punk/pop phases, jam band phases, reggae phases, hip-hop phases, indie phases, and even more. I could talk about music for hours, and I have spent enough time discussing my addiction, and I'm sure you're tired of it. As music began to take over my life, I sat back and basked in the wonders of music. It is God's gift to me, and one of the ways I best worship and hear from him. I am, however, hopelessly addicted. But, I see no end to it anytime soon. That's perfectly fine with me. Thanks for listening.

nate.

A Warning.

2009-01-07T23:20:00.003-05:00

Rushing water surrounds you. Caught in a torrent of indefatigable power, your paddle slices the water into thin strips of turbulence. Pressing forward, you heed no counsel; you hear no cries. The thrill of the chase, a look on the face, a stop is out of place; and you bumble on. By this time, any resistance is useless, the water takes you away, pushing towards the end--your end. You heard the cries, but paid no heed till the end is near. Crushed canoes, abandoned kayaks; the sides of the river are littered with the remains; but it is too late. Glancing down into the swirling depths, broken paddles jut from broken rock. Then you hear it, that solemn sound. The snarling river is now accompanied with a soft purr, which becomes a sneering growl, erupting into the full roar of your nearing end. The raging river flees in a rash departure, jumping to its death in the pooling depths of the waterfall. Listen to the signs. Heed the warnings. Observe previous failures. Don't rush into relationships. Let your friendship be gilded with the finest gold, bar your romantic tendencies from taking rule. One after another rushes down stream, picking up speed, only to fall yet again, another couple fizzling out like a dying sparkler. Be wary, take heed, enjoy your friends for who they are.

nate.

A Giant Crane, Sky-Born

2009-01-05T22:27:00.003-05:00

I am surrounded by a giant hug
invisible arms stretch around my existence
they protect and comfort me in my fears
invisible walls, they form a fortress in which I suddenly find myself
when worry threatens, or when troubles sneer and glare
A giant crane, sky-born and always at the ready, holds my walls
These walls built from the soft-spoken warfare of young and old
Skirmishes in kitchens and recliners, against the great darkness;
a nebulous presence of deception and depression
Soupy fog descends on my countenance,
the giant crane, sky-born, releases
there is no giant crash
simply no worries
total peace

I partake of the peace that passes understanding

Thank you to all who have battled and fought for me. I felt the peace of God today during my interviews and it was only through you all. Friends and family alike, I am so thankful for your prayers and your thoughts as I continue to seek my part in God's story

nate.

"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." James 5:16

...And On We Go

2009-01-02T00:41:00.005-05:00

How quickly time passes. Another day, another year, and yet they feel the same--2008 passes like another day marked only by drunk drivers and a giant ball. But yet, it is another day and the dark is fleeing from the sun's stampede and the horizon is brightening with all of the new opportunities and the excitement of college. This year in review cannot be described succinctly. Hours would be needed to relay how much I've learned and grown this year in so many ways. No year has ever been more difficult, more exiting, and more filled with God's invisible grace. His guidance is visible not in his blessings, though they have come, but in my struggles and afflictions. How much have I strayed? My year has been one of searching. So many new friendships have come and gone; new relationships have emerged and old ones have faded or left for college. My relationships have changed as I ventured into the world of women and opened my heart, and subsequently, I learned much.

Thankfully, my experiences were not all bad, giving me a little more insight and hopefully little kernels of wisdom. Relationships do not always have to end poorly, as I have won a dearly exquisite friendship, though the price to the end was steep. This year has been filled with unsuccessful experiences, but aren't we all the sum of our experience? My failures and shortcomings, slowly growing in number, have come together to create who I am today, a new person with a new perspective. If I could start the year over, rewind the tape back to January 1, 2008, how many things would I change! How painful has it been to be the clay in Papa's hands. In order to be molded, I must first be pounded into a softer material easier to mold to His purpose. I definitely have not enjoyed the ways in which he has softened me and pulled off my armor, but I am learning to embrace his oftentimes bold corrections. Friends are another whole topic that I could spend hours talking about, but this year has definitely also been searching in that arena. In a sea of my shifting priorities and venues, I have spent time with so many different people this year, and have enjoyed the unique friendships.

Searching in relationships, searching amongst friendships, I have also been searching for purpose. Applying to college, I spent a lot of time reflecting on my achievements, my activities, and my passions, trying to pull meaning from the experiences that have formed me. More and more, having a passion for learning, along with a love of religion, English, and philosophy, I see myself teaching or being a part of an institute of higher education. I always knew I was a little different, seeing as though I enjoy school to some degree, and now it seems as though I may end up being in school permanently. Most of all, beyond human relationships, purpose, and dreams, I could not begin to tell you, concisely, where the Great Lover has taken me this year. If someone had told me last New Years all of the things that I would go through this year, I would've trembled in fear. He has shown me the wonders of His Words and the beauty of His grace, but He has also humbled me with the depths of my own human corruption. I can't go into details, as I feel it is a better conversation for face-to-face, for God has worked wonders in my life this year. If you are interested, I would love to talk to you about it. A simple blog post explanation could not do justice to the relational roller coaster on which I have traveled with Papa. He holds my hand tightly while we walk together, and He catches my hand many times as I try to let go and cling to other loves. Women, wakeboarding, success, fear of failure, and so many more; I turn my face from His and I stretch towards these frail objects of little significance. He is relentless, and for that I praise him greatly, for who is like our God? That he would love me so indiscriminately, that he would take on himself everything I would ever do in disobedience to him, is so much more love than I can offer in return. But yet, he still loves me. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD! No words can speak of His love greater than his Words, especially Psalm 136:

"Give thanks to the Lord,
His love endures forever!! (1)

to Him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever!! (4)

to the One who remembered us in our low estate,
His love endures forever!!!!!!" (23)

"Oh Lord, You have searched me and know me." (Psalm 139) And yet, he still loves me. That is beyond my comprehension. So as I end this brief tribute to a closing year, I cannot refrain from expressing my uncontainable joy in my Great Lover. My heart right now is grinning wide with the love of the Father, and I smile externally as I write this, for we do have a great God, who is to be praised for all he does. I cannot hold it in.

Happy New Year

nate.

Vanished.

2008-12-22T22:58:00.005-05:00

For month's now, I have been searching for something that I lost. Mid-summer, it seemed to have walked off and left me for some other home, probably one superior. A warmer exterior, maybe more inviting, definitely more interesting, my Loss was probably searching for something unique. Some say adventure and risk call these things away from loved ones and from warmth. The anticipation of freedom and the possibility of hazards are far more enticing than my normal, traditional existence. Though I searched, it was to no avail. Days passed with no great luck, and the void in my being was not filled--no, it widened. I looked across Greensboro, but my item had since skipped town. Off to New York, I heard from it no more, the void grew to consume me and my emotions turned to sadness. Quickly, the feeling of loss mutated from sorrow into rage, and into a righteous anger at the callous heartlessness of my Loss. Oh, the audacity! Leaving me so lonely and broken, holding only the remains of my shattered heart. Shards of emotion lay devastated in my palms, the only remains of my so carefully opened heart. I trusted my Loss, I trusted so much. The many hours spent talking, eating, laughing, being merry, are now nothing more than dust crumbling through my fingers off of the cracked pieces of my heart. My heart, so gradually and carefully given to her, was smashed onto the rocks of disdain.

It could not end there, so hopelessly broken. My Loss, not so far away, began to return. Hoping for renewal, ready with forgiveness, I ran to embrace my Loss, and we were together once more. It was truly wonderful--laughing, talking, and sharing our emotions once again. So blindly did I run back again, sprinting gleefully towards the cliff from which I was to fall, once again deceived. I have asked myself, was it genuine? Did my Loss really want reconciliation. We can never know intentions, but once again I was thrust into a world of loss and distrust. For long now, I have been bitter. Many times, my mouth has opened with curses and jokes towards my Loss. How can I have been so unloving? Those who know me probably know the Loss, and the way that I speak of her. I am so guilty. I have been wronged, there is no doubt, but how can I be so unloving? Jokes and insults are much closer in my mind than words of warmth or kindness. I am quick to speak, and quick to anger, both the antonyms of love. For those who understand, I apologize to you for the times I have spoken ill of her. She is Papa's beloved and for that alone, I have no right to demean or insult his beautiful creation. Undoubtedly, more jokes will slip out, but I pray that the pure water of His forgiveness will begin to cleanse me of my petty grudges. Clean me of my impurities and my faults, and forgive me, for I have sinned against your beloved.

"He who restrains his words has knowledge, And he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding." Proverbs 17:27

nate.

On the Gambling of Spiders

2008-12-16T20:49:00.006-05:00

Lying is a dirty gamble. The Russian Roulette of relationships, you never know when the lie will become uncovered. Must you give up the game when pinned to the wall? No, throw again, make another lie; you might win this time. This time you could be home free. Win the Jackpot and leave. What a relief. Soon enough, however, you'll be back at the tables drooling for another roll, new lies to satisfy your cravings. You lust for larceny. You dive for deceit. You will thrust your words through the epidermis, between the ribcage, and straight into the lungs; and with a new stab of malice, you tear the heart from cartilage, leaving its owner slashed with the sharp words of deceit.

Now, victorious in the Casino of Lies, you crawl through the dark opening, back into the cupboard. Your mouth drips with the blood of your victims, fresh from the open wounds caused by your pretense and trickery. Oh, for remorse! But no, you simply go back to spinning your web, your web of lies. The higher you go, the more intricate the pattern, but the faster you go, the more muddled the strands. Mucus drips onto the dishes over which you hover, suspended by the sticky residue coming from your abdomen. Careless of the ones you affect, cold-hearted towards the now heartless friends you used to cling to. They are gone. You have eaten them alive. Drunken on the elixir called deception, you knife and you stab, until all that is left in your friends are sparse drops of blood and good-will, laid waste by your treachery.

"Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive"

Flee from spiders, the gambling vermin drunk on lies and deception. Cleave to close friends, true friends. Friends who encourage and lift you up.

Be Wary

nate.

An Ode to Christmas Cheer

2008-12-14T21:05:00.004-05:00

(sung to the tune of O' Christmas Tree)

I have exams this awesome week
We get to study calc
My teachers give some awesome tests
but nothing like exams

I study long and hard all night
We worry lots and fill with fright

O exam week, O exam week
How lovely are your days

Thank you very much, I'll be here all week

Ha

nate.

Holiday Mystery

2008-12-08T21:16:00.005-05:00

As annual winter festivities grow closer and closer, the spirit of the unknown has begun to consume me with the holiday spirit. Now our den is filling with that wonderful evergreen aroma mixed with some peppermint and warm cookies wafting in from the kitchen. The red on my face slowly retreats from my cheeks as I step from the blistering cold into the confines of my home. Since the weather outside is frightful, the fire of home is so delightful, and the warmth of family becomes sweeter and sweeter. School work is more and more forgotten, as the callings of a good novel and some chilled eggnog pull me from numbers and symbols into a world of fiction.

Walking out of my white garage, I enter into the bleak atmosphere of white sky and brown trees whose leaves have fled into the pile in our coul-de-sac. The once vibrant yellows and reds have been washed from the panorama, and the Great Artist paints with new emotions--desolation with a hint of homeliness. Christmastime is the season of home and family. Outside our wooden front door, Nature's beast rears its ugly head to form a sneering glare; he challenges us to face him and his icy breath or his spindly fingers as barren trees. We celebrate, enjoy our company, and feast ourselves on the chocolate, the gravy, the peppermint, the ginger bread and hundreds of other flavors, never once finding need to fear the depression of our winter surroundings. Riding home from school today lost in Coldplay's ethereal landscapes, I felt.

My warm Buick was suddenly attacked by a torrent of emotion, in which I felt the great Holiday mystery. How can we be so warm, when everywhere it is cold? Our hands are warmed by the quiet blaze in the hearth, our stomachs by the dark heat of hot chocolate and flavored coffee, and our hearts by the company of our dearest friends and family. There is no question that we are warm, but there is such danger! Nature pounds on my door and breaks into my house to steal warmth and happiness, to compromise those things for which we fought so dearly with our central heating system. It is, however, not the defeat of warmth when we feel this cold, for cold is really the absense of heat. Cold does not exist!! To this, we must applaud, for the Great Artist has no true enemy, no foe to hold him back. Cold is not real, and that is what we celebrate.

Evil is simply the absense of good, and God is omnipresent. There is no chance for cold darkness when we are wrapped in the love of Papa. The Holiday mystery is but the mystery of godliness--how our Great Lover choses to enclose us with his great arms, no matter how cold me might be. He absorbs our cold, so that we might be warm. I don't understand, but I love it. Just like I love the holidays.

nate.

Grrrr

2008-12-04T22:42:00.002-05:00

As a correlary to Chelsea's post on Calculus, I felt compelled to write a biting critique of my Calculus class. Calculus is:

Hard to Understand
Work-Intensive
Hard to Visualize
Hard to Conceptualize
Not Rewarding
Stressful

Hmm... there are six negative aspects of Calculus, now I will list the benefits of the class:

......
.....

Funny thing, I can't seem to think of any. There is always the argument that this class is building perseverance, problem solving, and a good work ethic--a theory to which I fully ascribe for math in general. Calculus, however, is frustrating. I have unleashed more anger as a result of Calculus than any class ever before. More grunts of frustration, more hitting things, more screaming in irritation and writhing in agony than ever before. Hard work has taken me this far in Math, but I feel my grasp on Math slowly oozing from my fingers into a pile of rotten mush that is Calculus. The steaming heap of rot has caused me more headaches than are healthy and has not done much to make me a better person. I'm just a more angry person. Second semester, please hasten so I will not have to suffer under such pressure any longer. Exams, then its cruising time.

nate.

A New Day

2008-12-02T16:16:00.001-05:00

The red-tinted sun slowly sneaked over drowsy, snow-covered peaks as a new day began to break over the little town of Paradise. Joseph Greene lifted his head from the folds of his Bible and spoke a quiet "Amen" as he smiled softly at Papa's wonderful masterpiece--daybreak. Streaks of light rushed into the small kitchen, and he moved his eyes to stare out the window. It was an emotive sight, as the mountain peaks were gilded with the golden luster of a fresh sunrise. Day had arrived. The dusty surface of main street was quickly thrust airborne as the workday accelerated into movement. Joseph's countenance, which had been so highly raised, became sullen, as the workday was all business and often full of stress.

Somewhere across town, a car screeched to a destructive crunch, and someone's collie began to bark. Joseph let out a deep sigh and shook his head at his ever-shifting world.
Two years ago, there were no cars here! Oh, how peaceful was life then. No noise, no accidents, no trouble...
Nevertheless, he pushed open his ambled down the wooden steps to his white Accord parked on the street. As he reached for the handle, he noticed an unusual light in his car. Joseph squinted through the window, only to find a small pile of glass in the passenger seat, and a spot of light rushing in through the whole in his back window.
Are you kidding me?? What have I done to deserve this? If I find out who did this...

nate.

Showdown

2008-11-18T21:36:00.003-05:00

In a small town in the lonely deserts of Nevada, a small town existed. Daily, the town played a quiet part in the scheme of life, but in universal perspective, each door slam and every spoken word had a benign significance--a deeply personal experiment by Papa, the great Lover. This town, (comparable to the namesake town in the works of Ted Dekker), was the center of an test to replay history--to rewrite the history of the World. As you, the reader will discover in the subsequent episodes, our quaint homestead named Paradise is not as docile as may seem, in fact the town will soon become quite potent.

We begin our journey creaking in a wooden rocker on the front porch of an old white house. Staring off into the sandy dusk of another falling day, a shadow falls over the sickly grass inhabiting the cracks of an old concrete road. A gust of wind lifts the hair of Joseph Greene, a kindly old man with a heart for the well-being of every man and woman in the town. As the sun stumbles below the horizon, a dark cloud slinks over its red luminescence and the warm sun grows strangely cold. The main street shadow becomes ever shorter, as the black shifts into the shape of an old cowboy hat. As Joseph slowly raises his eyes, the dark newcomer is already staring, with the cold stare. We will soon be introduced to this character, as Lucious Oscuro will soon become a strong force within the innocent town of Paradise. Evil has arrived.

nate.

Abide.

2008-11-12T21:56:00.004-05:00

Like birds we flock to some new food,
Our bellies aching for new hope
We seek to find that which is good
This cannot simply be a rope

A fibrous string formed in a loop
To cease the endless ache of life,
Nor does our goodness form a hoop
For goals and works that are our tithe

Nay!

His grace gives us a life to live
His love is our most needed source
Of happiness and will to give
From what we have with no remorse

Abide in him till your life ends
He will sustain you to the end

nate.

Thanks Guys

2008-11-09T21:07:00.001-05:00

Its really been a good weekend.
I'm not one to diary my everyday journeys in my blog, but this weekend is worth the splurge. After a few weeks that have been mediocre and not so fun, a variety of my good friends have made this weekend awesome. Nothing incredibly unique, but I am a part of things again! Friday - played Rock Band with some amigos from GDS. That was awesome. Saturday - went to the Northwest soccer game, then went to Aaron's and chilled with the jubilant lovebirds. That was awesome. Thank you for letting me hang out with y'all! It was fun. Sunday (today) - went mountain biking with some guys over at Bur-Mill. We tried to kill ourselves on bikes. That was awesome. Thank you to my friends for making my weekend awesome, it means a lot to me.

nate.

Congratulations!

2008-11-05T22:59:00.009-05:00

I'm so proud of our dear country. It is no small feat to accomplish what occurred yesterday. Beyond all yard-signs, opinions, and heated arguments, there is no denying the magnitude of yesterday's election. Not only did we wake up to see another day, but we, the people of the United States (well, most (I can't vote..)) came together to pick who we thought should be our next President. Over two years of printing t-shirts, buttons, and many phone calls has culminated in a simple vote -- Obama or McCain (and don't forget Nader!..) Whether or not you agree with the result of the election, the mere fact that it happened is incredible. We do not live in South America, where the "election" is a new military general marching his mob up the Capitol steps. We also do not live in England, where a new monarch is chosen from the royal blood line. (Granted, the king/queen is now honorary)

Many people that I know do not agree with the elected candidate, and that is fine. Now that the time for deliberation has come and gone, however, we must follow the results accordingly by treating our new president with all-due respect. Barack Obama is the first African-American president. Our country is now culturally centuries beyond where we were only 50 years ago, when blacks were discouraged from voting and segregated from society. No one can deny his great success. Not only this, but he has mobilized the American populace through an awe-inspiring grassroots campaign strategy that has paid off with the presidency. Not only is he the first African-American president, but he has shown us, yet again, how American can so calmly and mostly painlessly experience a transition of power. Once again, there has been no coup-de-etat; no military storming our beloved capitol. The beauty of our American experiment is our ability to graciously pass authority to another party and ideology with minimal conflict.

Think on our election with pride. Don't criticize the president for what he hasn't done yet. Don't be Johnny Raincloud, but be optimistic and hope the best for our country under our new president.

Change has come, no question about it. Now comes the trial -- Will it last?

nate.

"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called Sons of God" (Matt. 5:9)

Perfect Love.

2008-10-30T18:23:00.004-04:00

We know what we want. Many of us make lists of characteristics, many daydream, but all aspire for the ideal form of our mate who is floating somewhere in the ethereal land of men and women. There is a Mr. Right and a corresponding figure for us strapping young lads. Why do we compromise? Women, you deserve so much more than we give you, and many times more than you settle for. All men are not self-centered and morally invasive, there are boys in this world who are waiting for the women who wants a real man. One who is worth the wait. What have we become? The sense of intimacy in relationships now corresponds with the emotions that our loved one evokes. Sure, by no means is emotion bad or always deceitful. It is, however, the source of the many problems with our society's dating culture. Do you wonder why so many high school relationships fizzle out like a dimming sparkler on the 4th? It is due to emotion. One or two people have said that they love the emotions in a relationship, and rightly they should, because that is what God has planned for marriage! The emotional upwellings within high school relationships are but small windows into the emotional connection within marriage. When we experience a watered down form of this emotion, we are just playing in the bathtub. The water is nice and warm, and it is nice-that is until you have to get out. Until you have to go back into the cool air of your house. What we are missing out on is like the ocean. We could wait, and then go to the beach. There there is no bathtub-there is the vast, blue expanse of sparkling laughter.

The ocean to me is always smiling. Sunsets at the coast are glorious, and being at the beach brings me joy, and I know that Jesus looks out in wonder at the same majestic scenes. God knows how we need emotional satisfaction, but he wants us to wait for the final act. Each interaction that we have with someone leaves a small piece of us with them. It is like we are each a composition of light, and as we are with someone, the lights dance and swirl together as the two beings are united in a unified state of being. This could be a simply hello, but God has created each of us with our unique essence, and as we divulge more and more of that to people throughout our life, we are giving out light. In a dating relationship, we are pouring out light. Two "lovers" often share their deepest desires, their highest aspirations, and their most vulnerable moments with each other, and their lights begin to become indiscriminately mixed. All of a sudden, the lights are unnaturally ripped apart, and the reaction causes a loss of light for both individuals. They will never be the same, as they each now own a small piece of the other's soul. How can anyone go into a relationship casually, arrogantly thinking that it will be the couple to break the cliche of high school dating.

These light reactions, they are no more than common interactions; two friends exchange greetings. It is common for us to spread our light; we are sprinkling small drops of our personal "essence" on someone else. Almost like lingering cologne, your light will remain on the people you touch and keep you on their mind. The beauty of our essence is in the fact that we are complete with Jesus. I need not and cannot be anyone other than me. When we choose to be a part of God's story, he sends Sarayu, his spirit, to live in us and to inspire us. Our physical body is what we most commonly live by, but we also have our mind in which we usually reside. Most interesting is our spirit, the place that we seldom experience consciously, but it is the place where Sarayu is most present. We must fill our spirit with the love of God, so that our light can be all the more mature and brilliant. God does not clean up our act, he develops each of our respective essences into brilliant masterpieces that will subconsciously affect all those around us. Isn't it a beautiful mess?

But I diverge. High school relationships are not bad, but why rush them? We hurtle fullspeed into a relationship that more resembles a marriage or a romance, where all we need is a friendship. The most fulfilling relationship with a guy or girl will be experiencing the valley with them--living the daily drudge alongside your best friend. Contrived love and romance have no place for now, we must learn to love outside of our emotions. Love from the depths of our spirit, out of the light which Sarayu so delightfully enriches for us. Pursue the heart of the one whom you seek, you will find there what you seek--love. If Sarayu is at the heart of the one whom you seek, then as you both draw near to Sarayu, you will draw near to each other. Seek not romance, seek Sarayu, seek Papa.

Seek Jesus

nate.

"God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this love is perfected" (1 John 4:16-17)

A Pretty Face, the Kind You'd Find on Someone That Could Save

2008-10-24T23:43:00.003-04:00

"Remember, the people who know me [Jesus] are the ones who are free to live and love without any agenda."

"Is that what is means to be a Christian?" It sounded kind of stupid as Mack said it, but it was how he was trying to sum up everything in his mind.

"Who said anything about being a Christian? I'm not a Christian"

The idea struck Mack as odd and unexpected and he couldn't keep himself from grinning. "No, I suppose you aren't"

They arrived at the door of the workshop. Again Jesus stopped. "Those who love me come from every system that exists. They were Buddhists or Mormons, Baptists or Muslims, Democrats, Republicans and many who don't vote or are not part of any Sunday morning or religious institutions. I have followers who were murderers and many who were self-righteous. Some are bankers and bookie, Americans and Iraqis, Jews and Palestinians. I have no desire to make them Christian, but I do want to join them in their transformation into songs and daughters of my Papa, into my brothers and sisters, into my Beloved."

"Does that mean," asked Mack, "that all roads will lead to you?"

"Not at all," smiled Jesus as he reached for the door handle to the shop. "Most roads don't lead anywhere. What it does mean is that I will travel any road to find you."

This blew my mind.
You should read The Shack by William Young, from where this excerpt is taken.
It is a book that will revitalize your insight into the heart of God,
It will make you yearn for the presence of Papa.

nate.

Subterranean Homesick Alien

2008-10-20T18:14:00.001-04:00

I'm no longer busy. Cross Country has ended. My college application for UNC is almost finished. I'm caught up with my school work. I've had more time for friends and free time, but feel a void. There is a darkness which is suddenly revealed. In the space left by my former stress and busyness, I have found a subversive loneliness and coldness which now entraps me. Where the mediocre warmth of my world used to be enough to help me through, my need for a affirmation is all the more amplified with the chilly fall air. Where a kind blue sky calls warmly to me, the wispy clouds droop and sulk, while they all but weep at the changing of times and the coming of winter. The fun and energy of summer is setting like the sun I now see fleeing from our town. I have always loved autumn--the crisp air, the energy of change. All of a sudden, this year is different. Changes have come, and I am not where I was last year. I yearn for Papa; I hear Yeshua passionately woodworking in his shed, as he prepares me for an exciting new season of life. As Oswald Chambers says, the true essence of life is not the mountain-tops, it is when we reside in the valley, when we come down from ecstasy and enlightenment, and face the slow canter at which we normally live. Like returning from the lake or the beach, we descend from glorious existence into our strikingly normal being. I want more. I want joy. I want exhilarating friendships. And he knows these things. He knows what I need. Papa puts me where he knows I need to be. So I trudge on, through the shadow in which I now reside. In that, I believe the shadow proves the sunshine--that our seasons of cold, leafless trees are followed by glorious blooms of color and pleasure.

Let me be Your clay, broken and formed into a new being.
Let the old pass away, let the new come forth.
Let my deadened leaves fall away, and Your Spirit bring forth new life

nate.

Pure Majesty

2008-10-16T21:38:00.000-04:00

Love, unconquerable
Waster of rich men, keeper
Of warm lights and all night vigil
In the soft face of a girl:
Sea-wanderer, forest visitor!
Even the pure Immortals cannot escape you
And mortal man, in his one day's dusk,
Trembles before your glory

(Taken from Antigone by Sophocles)

Ancient literature has power. The unseeming majesty of complicated literature can overcome the most unsuspecting individual, simply trying to succeed in a world full of academic rigor. Love is an incredibly entity, who can understand it? Human kind never has and can never fully comprehend the complexities and subtleties of love. From the corrosive properties of lustful desires, to the whimsical features of casual love, the world has shifted from a reverent appreciation of the majesty of the deepest loves, to an irreverant exploitation of the joys found in love. In this small moment of your time spent reading my thoughts alloted in HTML boxes, savor the pure delight of love in its original form (from the brilliance of Sophocles) and see the life that ancient writing brings to ideas that have since grown cold and inert.

-nate

Throw Away Your Washing Machine

2008-10-13T22:56:00.004-04:00

"Ah what a relief it is, to be in Christ He's the life that I need to live" Woah! Stop! "the life that I need to live"... what does that even mean? This is a bumping song (Relief by Trip Lee), but I wish we could rearrange some things. Lets see...

How bout "We live the life we need to live, so we can be in Christ... and be relieved.." Hmm (fail.) But, isn't that how you feel a lot of times? Don't you feel the weight of "needing" to do something to make yourself clean? I want to rest and be content in Jesus, and simply accept all that he has done for me, but I always feel the need to do something. Jesus is often my washing machine. I give him my flesh for a short time, so that he can wash it, and I can live with cleanliness for a short time (before it becomes dirty again..) That, however, is not at all how it is! Our flesh is not sinful anymore! That's not what it is. By no means will we never sin (I can attest to that), but how awesome is it that we are free from sin. Fighting the battle over sin seems like a current and future thing to me, but it has already been fought and won! We don't have to fight, we just need to "reckon ourselves dead to sin" (Rom 6), or just realize how Jesus has killed our old sin nature. We don't have to sin anymore - we have the power to choose not to sin. That's sweet.

Your identity is God. You are clean, you are holy. You are loved.

"There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ" (John 8:1)

"Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.'" (John 8:11)

Throw away your washing machine, God has made you dirt-proof.

nate.

Home Again

2008-10-12T23:38:00.002-04:00

Following my excursion to Asia, there is nothing like hitting the play button and resuming my paused activities and friendships. I have am so very thankful for my friends; thanks guys for making me feel welcome and loved. Being back in America is weird, because I haven't been quite right until I took the slow saunter down the small hill off of Muirs Chapel; until I walked down the concrete stairs; until I passed through the familiar doors which hold the smiles and the energy of my family at the Core. At the point when I entered the Core room, my shoulders relaxed, my tiredness vanished, and I began to laugh and be merry. I was home. Seeing all those people whom I missed, life began to feel normal again. All this to say, Asia was incredible, but I am very happy to be back in the arms of my beloved friends. I think I am going to store all of you in my pocket for the remainder of my life, because I don't know what I'd do without you. Its good to be back.

nate.

ZZZzzzz...

2008-10-09T22:38:00.002-04:00

Welcome to a new website!!
I figured that with a new title, a new site was appropriate.
The title is easier to remember ( we pierce the darkness (<---all smashed together))
Asia is much better (I know), but please don't boycott any new stuff!
Its just like my return to all the people that I like back home, my writing is back to the things I normally write about. Things like life, and people, and God. Cool stuff like that.

Anyways...
Jetlag is a bummer..
End of story (because now, I sleep)

Namaste

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 14 - Closing Time..

2008-10-05T22:17:00.002-04:00

Well, the end is here. It is with sadness that I write this final blog from Asia. The invasion is over, and I return home to become a regular student again, no more adventures. But, I am very excited to see everyone again! Today we had breakfast at a local hotel with all of the company teachers who are here in Indonesia. Eating here in Indonesia has been excellent, as the cost of food is dramatically lower than in the states. We have enjoyed the nice restaurants around here, at maybe ¼ of the cost of an equivalent meal in the states. Breakfast consisted of a multi-course offering of coffee, fruit, an assortment of breads, and a breakfast meat entrée, all for less than 10 dollars. It was excellent. Also, it was great to see the common bonds that the teachers had developed and the fun that they had spending time with each other. This morning was definitely a quality experience (and great food!).

The rest of my day was fairly sedentary. We were supposed to be leaving for the town that has the airport around two this afternoon, but this plan was disrupted. The man who was supposed to take us wasn’t able to go until around six, (he had some other engagement…) but we didn’t actually leave until seven. Culturally, many Asians in the South Pacific don’t have an understanding of commitments or being on time, so when he said six, it more reasonably meant around seven. We did, however, have a quiet afternoon at our guest house. My grandpa spent time with the field leaders here evaluating the work here and setting vision for the future. I, on the other hand, spent most of this afternoon finding the new blog template that you are savoring at this moment, as well as doing a little school reading for Gov’t/Econ.

My time here in Asia has been quite rewarding. Though I have been away from my schooling, there is no question that my education has continued. I have experienced many different cultures with different values and customs, but I have had great opportunities to spend time with people. Since my trip is not really from a tourist/sight-seeing perspective, I have been able to converse and spend time with all sorts of people, from government officials, to seminary presidents, to local residents. Not only have I had opportunities to experience culture, but I been able to contribute to God’s work in different countries. Blessed cannot begin to describe the way I have felt as we have visited so many different cultures and people during the past two weeks. Being able to see all that I have has touched me deeply, to see all that God has done in these people’s lives. Some of the people we have met with have worked or taught in their country for over 30 years and many are past retirement, yet continue to seek visa renewal each year. These individuals have made it their life’s purpose to show the love of our Father to the people of Hong Kong, Korea, East Asia, and Indonesia.

For me, in my idealistic bubble, it has been eye-opening to see and hear of the struggles of the work. The know that families in certain countries must be mindful of safety, especially in East Asia, has a whole different meaning once you have lived, for a few days, under the same constrictions. The blessing of American freedom of religion, as much as we bicker about that freedom, is all the more meaningful once you experience a country without freedom. When you see first-hand the effect that the DMZ has had on both Koreas, the news about the two nations is more understandable and impactful. If nothing else, this experience has most taught me how to empathize with those of different cultures. When I lived in their shoes, even just for a few days, I experienced their daily struggles and situations, and I have a better understanding of their relation to the international community. We cannot begin to become a nation that is respected internationally unless we are willing to step down off Mount Olympus and open our eyes to the cultures of different nations. America doesn’t have all the answers, and in some cases, we would do well to take note of different ways of thought. But, even if we don’t agree, we must understand. Then, and only then, can we truly be a “world power”.

I hope that y’all have enjoyed my daily updates; it has probably been more fun for me than for you. There are so many times that I have wished for a giant teleporter, to bring everyone over to see the sights and experience different elements of my trip. I have done my best to use my writing to convey these experiences, but some things transcend any description. Hopefully, you will continue to check my blog, even though it won’t be from across the world… and there might not be pictures. It is sad for me to write this, and it seems as though I am saying goodbye to someone dear. Then, however, I realize it is quite the opposite. I am returning to those who love me and have missed me (hopefully), and then I start to get excited. Jet-lag is not something I look forward too and cross-country this week will be rough, but I so look forward to seeing, and reconnecting with everyone. Facebook has kept me pretty involved, but some things just can’t be communicated by pictures and messages. If you have any questions about things, people, or places that I have experienced, feel free to send me an e-mail (nate.tilley@gmail.com). And, if you would like to hear more about anything, I’d love to spend some time talking with you, maybe over some coffee or across the phone. The next time that you will here from me, I’ll be in the land of the Free (hey that rhymes!!), so enjoy this last taste of Asia, for the Asian Invasion has ended.

To see picture from the trip, click on the pictures link at the top of the page

Nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 13 - Speaking & Eating

2008-10-03T09:49:00.000-04:00

The end is near. Today was our last full day of business activities, and tomorrow holds only one morning engagement. Then, on Sunday I begin my trek east back to the West. It is quite appropriate that today has been a full day, as Fridays represent the end of our American work week. This morning began quite early--a solid six o'clock. Waking at this time, we set off for the seminary's morning chapel where my grandpa and I were to be guest speakers. We entered to the familiar sound of a praise band, and I was intrigued to see how American-sounding praise music has even been accommodated to Indonesian lyrics. Worship was a touching experience, to see how other cultures and languages respond to the love of God. Singing this morning was not that different from the states, but they do clap on the off-beats. Erika would be hopelessly lost.

Following worship, I went up to give my testimony. It was difficult for me to describe the work that God has done in my life to a different culture, as much of it has been philosophical, and not necessarily drastic or flashy. Though, it is my story, and I think it was interesting for them to hear some about life in the states. Speaking, however, was a very interesting experience, as I spoke through a translator. I would speak one or two sentences, and the seminary president would translate for the congregation. Nothing I have ever done in public speaking has been like this, and it really changed the way that I planned and presented my testimony. My grandfather also spoke, but he had a larger role--he preached the sermon through the translator. One thing that has amazed me on this trip is how gifted my grandpa is as a speaker. I never have heard him preach until this trip, and I'm impressed. I must have been missing out on this secret for a number of years. He, being a pastor in the Phillipines for about 17 years, was quite comfortable with the translator, and it was interesting to see them become more and more in tune as the message progressed.

In the time before lunch, we took the opportunity to talk to one of the Americans from South Dakota who teaches in the school here. Lunch this afternoon was a family-style Indonesian meal with the faculty of the seminary. Again, as with everywhere else we have been, the food was great. We had a local form of sweet and sour chicken, a vegetable stir-fry, and some mystery ball of fish, breading, and who knows what else. It was good, and that's all I that I want to know. I enjoyed talking to the president of the seminary, as his daughter is also a senior in high school, and it was very interesting to hear her college plans. Being across the world, I thought I was away from the college craze, but his daughter is also looking at schools in the area, applying for scholarships, and everything else we all do as seniors back in the states.

This afternoon, I finished all of the calculus that I was required to do (PRAISE THE LORD..), so I was very happy, to say the least. Weather here has begun to cool slightly, as it is currently raining as I sit here typing away. What is cool here is more like... say 75ish degrees in the states. Not exactly my idea of "cool", but it is a welcome change. Dinner tonight was also a welcome change, as I had the first home-cooked meal since I left the States. Two teachers in the international school had my grandpa and me over for dinner, which one of them prepared. Barbecue chicken, corn, and green beans were the dishes of choice, and it felt more familiar, more like home. I guess they are weaning me off of Asian food, preparing me for America again. What will I ever do with normal utensils? I'm sure we can find some chopsticks for me to use. This blog post is sorta like the day before the day before tomorrow, the day that will be the beginning of my return to normalcy. So, enjoy these while they last! To any GDS friends back home who stumbled his or her way onto my blog, enjoy your nice fall break and I'll see you next Tuesday...

mOrE pIcTuReS @ picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatripnate.

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 12 - Indonesia Edition

2008-10-02T09:35:00.001-04:00

Suprise! You have pictures again, isn't it heart-warming. But really, the very nice man that we are staying with took me to a nearby camera store where I obtained a card reader and an appropriate battery charger for about 15 dollars total. Inflation is unbelievable, but I'm not complaining. Today has been a very different day, simply because of our location. Indonesia is vastly different from every other location so far. My first hint was the open hallway and the giant screen window above my bed, and, in the morning, we saw all of the palm trees. The climate here is akin to our wonderful Greensboro summer humidity, but it is like this all year here. I was told today that we are seven degrees of latitude from the equator. As we were leaving, our hosts asked if I wanted some sunscreen, to whom I respectfully declined. Even with the heat, I'll pass on the slimescreen--it is just not my cup-o-tea.

A tropical country, Indonesia is a system of hundreds of islands that are mainly low-lying and filled with palm trees, amongst other tropical greenery. The roads are yet another experience from the last countries, because the roads are filled with pot-holes and motor-bikes. Traffic is nowhere near the amount we saw in Korea or in East Asia, but evidently the holiday time has taken many people out of the cities back to their family villages. Instead, the streets are packed with motor-bikes and scooters, and Indonesians also don't have a comprehension of "reckless driving". Here it is not so much the tight merges and traffic, but the absence of lanes that causes strange traffic patterns. I think when I return to the quaint metropolis that is Greensboro, driving will be simply a mundane activity, not so exciting anymore. Maybe I’ll have to ride with J.P. a few times, just to get that feeling of speed and adventure again. :)

First this morning, I did a little school work, and then we went to meet a British couple who teaches at the international school. We had a nice time visiting with them, and we went to a local restaurant for lunch with another teacher. Surprisingly enough, most of the food here in town is fairly American, and most of the beef is imported. There is no pork—the majority religion is not really big on pork. Another thing that I really miss from the states is water. They do have water here, thankfully, but the tap-water is not potable. I never realized how much water I drink, but I miss having my nalgene poking out of my backpack whenever I need hydration. All over Asia, the people here do not drink much fluid, mainly small amounts of tea throughout the day. Never in my life have I so wished for good, clean, non-bottled water.

This afternoon, we first stopped by the school to see the campus. It was a very nice and well-maintained campus, and you can see a view of the school in the left picture. We then spent some time in the newly constructed mall here in town, to see how much Indonesia has become modernized. With such a strong religious base, (atheism is essentially illegal), it is interesting to see how much of this country’s religion is simply cultural. The true values of the people can be seen in how they spend their time and their money. Following our people-watching excursion, I spent some more time back at the house slaving over my tedious calculus homework. It seems as though the long homeworks of the last week are intended as punishment for my absence from school. Today has been mainly an opportunity to experience the culture, and there is plenty to take in. My senses have been in overload from taking into account all of the new scenery, people, and cultures. It is, however, an incredible intriguing location, and I’m pumped for the rest of my time here. Adios, hasta luego…

(We're all psyched that there are once again...) More pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 11 - Another Day of Travel

2008-10-01T12:30:00.002-04:00

Today has come to an interesting close. As we left East Asia this morning, we set off for the islands of Indonesia in the South Pacific. We took a very early flight from our previous location and we had to get up around 5 this morning. Long traveling plus early mornings equals a weary student attempting to finish his homework. After I cleared the sleepiness from my eyes around mid-morning, I buried my head in projectile motion equations and graphs of trigonometric functions with derivatives. Those made for a long day, let me tell you. The math for physics and the graphing we have done for math has convinced me that Calculus is straight from the devil. The TI-83 is the rebuke to said demons (thank you Texas Instruments!). Though math and physics consumed the majority of my day, it helped my sanity to make a nice dent in the pile of school work. We left Hong Kong after about 6 hours, and it was at the gate that we had our first glimpse of Indonesia.

As we began to line up for boarding, the line was filled with woman countless house maids from Hong Kong, all returning home for the end of Ramadan. It was incredible that at least three-quarters of the passengers were these women. After a short four hour flight, we arrived in Indonesia to an amazing welcome. From the air I could see fireworks shooting up across the city to celebrate the end of their month of fasting. It was quite a welcome. My first impressions of the country have been different than any other place. Since the majority religion is different, there are many more mosques and head coverings. Also, we drove by an area that has been covered by a gigantic mudslide originating from a drilling operation that penetrated a volcanic reserve (no bueno..). This happened back in 2006, but the mud is still bubbling up into homes and stores. It is a very unique problem. I am interested to see the city in daylight, but this country promises to be quite different than anything before. Until tomorrow…

On another note, there will be no more pictures temporarily for the blog. I know you are heart-broken, but I no longer have the cord to transfer these pictures, so I can’t see them either. It’s quite sad. Please speak to Father about this situation so hopefully I will get it back. Thanks.

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 10 - Giant Pandas!!

2008-09-30T09:45:00.000-04:00

Good Morning! We've reached a double digit title, maybe we should make a cake or something. To celebrate properly for today, the desert should be in the shape of a Giant Panda, as today we visited the largest Panda Center in the world. It was incredible! We arrived at about 10am and watched a short video on the care and breeding of the Pandas, which is extensive. The pandas are specially bred, according to their strange mating behavior, which often prevents good procreation. Having a successful birth is quite a feat, and this particular center has a very high success rate for deliveries. When a mother has its first cub, the action and the new creature is so frightening to the mother that she often harms the cub, so veterinarians sometimes have to protect the baby from the mother.

Following our video education, we set off into the vast expanse of the Panda Farm to see the Pandas. At first glance, the park was a lot of greenery and not many Pandas. We walked for some time through lush bamboo forest until we reached the first enclosure for the Adult Pandas. The park constructed various enclosures throughout the park that were essentially the ideal habitats for a Panda, and usually these habitats contain one to three Pandas each. There are all sorts of things to climb on, bamboo towers, trees, bamboo forts, and the occasional tourist.. It is so fun to watch these animals in action, because they make so little action. Every movement is significant, as their source of nutrition is limited. Bamboo is their only food, and it contains so few nutrients that they must consume it almost constantly and very quickly to obtain the needed nutrition. Eating is their full time job.

In their eating, they are quite diligent, as they sat constantly eating bamboo piece-by-piece, slowly consuming their meals. The only time they didn't eat was when they were moving or sleeping. What a life... Also, these animals seem to have such great personalities, as they are quite sluggish and simply plop down on piles of bamboo. Seeing a Panda sit up is a joyous experience; i smiled everytime the great balls of fat and fur dragged their bodies into the upright position. I was fascinated to watch the consumption of bamboo. For each piece of bamboo, the Panda peels off the outer skin and bites off the moist inner stalk. It is a tedious process, but they must do this to survive. Seeing these cuddly creatures live and in person was a rewarding experience and was much fun.

After leaving the Panda Farm, we ate lunch at a nearby McDonalds (America, thank you for your world contribution...), and I spent a little time walking around the area. I found an interesting book and music store, in which I acquired an East Asian version of John Mayer's Continuum, and an excellent Asian dance cd. I couldn't leave Asia without legitimate electronic music. Then, tonight, we met with another family from the company, this time from South Africa, and ate Chinese food with them. My chopstick skills are light-years ahead of last Monday, and this meal also may have been my favorite genuine Chinese meal. Talking with the family was encouraging and it was great to hear all that Father has been doing for them here. Tomorrow, we leave quite early for our next country, this time in the South Pacific. So until tomorrrow, hakuna matada. (which means no worries)

M o r e p i c t u r e s a t picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 9 - People, People, and More People

2008-09-29T09:31:00.001-04:00

Good morning from East Asia! Tonight, I experienced a flash of homesickness as the residue of Fall Retreat began to leak onto facebook photo albums. My emotions began to swell as I looked back across the Atlantic to see all of my friends returning from such an awesome and rewarding trip. I have talked to our Father in the hope that Fall Retreat would be a great renewal of passions, and the little that I have heard confirms that He was listening. You all mean so much to me; I wish I could’ve been there with you. But, on another note, here I am across the world in East Asia, today setting off to see the sights. This morning we finally slept-in relatively late, at least later than the past two days of 5am wake-ups. First, we met with a local driver who was to take us around during the day, and we set off for Tian Fuguan Chang Square, a local attraction. The square held two uniquely designed spiral fountains, and a giant statue of Mao, the former leader.

The one feature that was most apparent in the city was the incredible amount of people. No where in the world have I ever seen such consistently large masses of Asians pervading an area of city. As you can see the in the above picture (click to enlarge), people filled the squares and moved throughout the city, going about their daily routine. Incredible. Also, taxi cabs in this city are an exciting exercise in adrenaline. It seems that all inhabitants of the city have created a mental block to all cohesive and orderly methods of driving. The streets are essentially a free-for-all, generally divided to the right and left sides (not necessarily always), with pedestrians constantly in the mix. When one must cross the street, he takes no heed to the color of the light, or to the position of traffic, he just goes. It really is a startling process at first. If nothing else, my invisible brake got some serious playing time today.

After lunch, we drove to a near-by Buddhist temple to see local beliefs in action. The structure and grounds of this establishment were impressive. The place was enormous; we walked through row after row of walkways and courtyards. Though its history goes back many years, the appearance was well-maintained. Especially the gardens, trees, and pathways are beautifully designed and maintained, and are filled with exotic plant life. Also, deep inside, the Buddhist priests had set up an area of incense and candles for anyone to use. It was so sad to see many young individuals come and try to speak to their divine one, but they were missing their Father, who loves them. Their devotion and respect were inspiring, as many Americans don’t experience that kind of passion for their Father. Also, I would love to have Westover come to observe the setting. Forget the new building; we need a temple like this.

Following our temple excursion, the driver took us to meet the family of one my Grandpa’s co-workers. The family consists of one daughter and three sons, one of whom cannot walk. By interacting with this individual, by helping him out of the car, by seeing his joy regardless of hard circumstances, I was humbled. I thank our Father that I have the use of my legs, and I can’t imagine what that boy must go through; I hurt for him. His happiness and laughter, however, were an inspiration to me and I’m so happy that I was able to spend time with him. Tonight was so much fun; to be a friend to younger ones who adore me as if I were their own brother. Giving piggy-back rides, getting pinched and tickled, and answering a thousand questions were small sacrifices for the reward of their love and admiration. Little kids are so much fun. Until tomorrow…

More pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 8 - Sitting in an Airport...

2008-09-29T08:20:00.001-04:00

My apologies for two things. First my tardiness with respect to the date of this post. Obviously it is not Day 8, as I have posted 8 & 9 both today (how can this be?!?). Also, this day was pretty bland. We are on a plan through Cathay Pacific in order to get a reduced rate, but we have to go back to HK before leaving for each new destination. So, today, we returned to HK and then sat in the nice red lounge chairs plugged into the nearby wall outlet for the next 7 hours. The most exciting thing that happened today (besides my calculus hw :) ) was our boarding pass for East Asia through DragonAir. Seeing as it is a only a partner to Cathay Pacific, they couldn't give us a boarding pass, but there was also no desk for DragonAir in the Seoul Airport... So, in Hong Kong we had to go out of the HK airport, get a boarding pass (which was an ordeal), then go back through security, and finally we could go to our gate.

For the next 6 hours, absolute max & mins with respect to the FDT & SDT, acceleration vectors, debate transcripts, and hours of music were the fillers for my time spent in the airport. Finally we were able to depart and we safely arrived at our next destination. A short taxi drive, and a long conversation away, we made it into our hotel room for the night. Our check-in at the front desk was an interesting exercise in gesturing and body language, eventually resulting in a white room key and two beds. The picture to the left is our intriguing balcony light, one of which accompanies each room in the hotel. Sounds like quite an interesting day, huh? It was about as intersting for me, but it is a small price to pay for an incredible experience in Eastern Culture. Hasta manana!....

More pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 7 - Into the Jaws of Communism

2008-09-27T08:07:00.002-04:00

Greetings from the free country of South Korea. Today I have spent time approaching, and eventually crossing into Communist North Korea, and, no, I did not attempt defection. Democracy and Capitalism have been great friends of mine, and I much prefer them to their red cousin. This morning, we set off to see the Korean De-militarized Zone at the 38th Parallel which separates the North from the South. The DMZ was established after the Armistice agreement, signed in 1953 by Kim
il-Sung and the S. Korean president after the Korean war. Today we first visited the area called the JSA, or Joint-Security Area, which can be seen in the picture of the blue buildings.

Buildings in blue are S. Korean, and the silver buildings are N. Korean, and the building named T-2 is the building where Armistice talks and formal meetings of N & S are held. Security inside the JSA is on perpetual high alert, as can be seen in the above picture of the N. Korean guard. We were able to enter T-2 and step across into Communist country. For today, we got to go red. When inside this area, we were not allowed to communicate in anyway, verbal or non-verbal, to the N. Koreans, as those actions could potentially be used as propaganda. When N. Koreans are within their safe-houses, we are are told, they, however, will guesture, taunt, and demean American military and visitors from the safety of their territory. Along with this childish interaction, the N. Koreans also have a superiority complex to always be bigger and better than the South.

At the JSA, the building on the southern side, called the Freedom Center, had been renovated and another level was added. Upon seeing this addition, the North added a layer to their building to be sure that it was taller. The U.N. quickly prohibited any further additions, in order to prevent a sky-scraper construction war at the JSA. Also, in the picture to the left, you can see the N. Korean village within the DMZ that is named "Propaganda Village", due to the loud speakers that used to play Northern propaganda convincing S. Koreans to defect. On the other side of the line, the S. Korean village is named "Freedom Village", and during the year that the Olympics were in Korea, a giant Korean flag was donated and sent to this village. To match this huge flagpole, the N. Koreans built the tallest flagpole in the world (as seen on the left), and it now holds a 31 meter long flag. Wow, really?.... come on guys, just let it go.

Leaving the JSA behind, our bus then went to visit the set of tunnels dug by the North in order to infiltrate the South. These tunnels were built after the creation of the DMZ and upon completion, would have allowed the passage of 35,000 troops to Seoul (the Southern capital) in one hour. We were able to walk down to the end of one of the tunnels where it had been blocked by the South upon its discovery. It is unbelievable how active the conflict is, even to today. I have always seen the DMZ as an out-dated fued that has mostly passed, similar to the Cold War. The oppression and division remain today. For those of you who are not intrigued by the subject of history and wars, you have my apologies. There was nothing else to write about today, as this trip took us from 6 am until about 4:45 pm, and then we just ate. But for all of you who love Kazakstan, at the end of our tour, since we made good time back to the origin, our guide said "it was great success!" I think I about cried. My best wishes go out to those at CWJ playing hard. I miss you guys and hope the retreat is fun and rewarding. Tomorrow, we are off to East Asia...

More pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 6 - "Go & Tell" and STU

2008-09-26T07:57:00.001-04:00

Hello again from Korea! Today has been a long day filled with people and meetings, but it has been encouraging. This morning, we set off for the MTC, the missionary training center associated with OMS's church here, to see their new group of missionaries. These individuals have each gone through about 7 months of training, interviews, and examinations. to come to the point that they are at today--commissioning. After intensive preparation, these families have received their country assignments and will be released to raise support and subsequently, enter the field. Today was quite exciting, especially for my Grandfather, as I could see he was touched by the service that these young families have offered to their Father.

The picture to the left shows all of the families who are heading to the mission field, along with their instructors and beneficiaries. It was a significant morning for the Korean church. After the ceremony, we ate a traditional Korean meal, and it was ok. Not awesome, but it was edible, and a little on the bitter/spicy side. I'm glad that they enjoyed it. From that point, we set off to Seoul Theological University (STU), which was started by OMS missionaries about 100 years ago. I was thoroughly impressed by the place, as the campus looked as though a small Christian college was transplanted from the U.S. and filled with Koreans. We first met with the Dean of Student Affairs to discuss the University's centennial celebration.

From there, we went to meet with the President and the Dean of Academic Affairs in the main offices. It is in this meeting that I realized how small the world really is. The president of the University did some time researching at Duke University and attended church in Greensboro! How cool is that? Also, another professor in the meeting had lived in Greensboro for a few years and one of his nephews started a Korean church in the 'boro. I love coincidence. After finishing the meeting, we took some time to walk around and see the campus. The picture to the left is the outside of the music building which houses not only classrooms and practice rooms, but two chapels. One of these chapels is small, but one is larger than Westover, seating over 3,000 people.

It is incredible to consider the masses of people that are in Asia. Seoul is a city of 14 million people, which is many times the population of dear-ole Greensboro. Though the size and quantity of everything here in Seoul is impressive, one thing I miss about America is our easier driving and shorter transit time. Traffic here is intense, disorganized, and incredibly dangerous. I was told today that Koreans only stop at a red light if there is traffic coming the other way. Hmmm.... And, the greatest parts about Korean roads are the scooters going between the cars. When you think it is safe to merge... VROOM, a kindly old Asian speeds past with a wooden crate strapped to the back of his Gold Winds. In fact, I snapped a picture of J.P. and his scooter on the road today (to the left). Anyways, until next time....

More pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 5 - North Korea and Eating Weird Creatures

2008-09-25T09:08:00.000-04:00

For today's post, it is appropriate that I begin with this picture of an egg with Chinese writing, for today was a day of interesting food. Breakfast began with this organic product in a scrambled form, along with some toast. It was not until lunch that things started gettin' wild. We ate at a Korean restaurant, and I ate many new things including the following: jellyfish, chicken stomach, sea cucumber, (here come the best two) preserved duck egg, and spiced dirt snail. By the end of the meal, my stomach was confused at the variety of new visitors that had entered its lair. Then at dinner, in stark contrast to my lunch, we ate at a place named Bennigans, which is what it sounds like--an Irish-American establishment. I never thought I would be eating quesadillas and nachos in Korea, but hey, there's a first for everything. And, my digestive system could once again rest in peace.

My morning began with this view out of the car window, looking into the dense traffic of South Korean streets. The OMS missionary who is taking care of us came by this morning and we had a prayer meeting with two other Korean Christians. One of the most impacting things to me is the Korean people's dedication to prayer. Twice today, we have gathered to spend time on our knees talking to God together. It has been awesome. Once we arrived at the KEHC (the church that OMS started almost 100 years ago!), we met with the new general superintendent of the church. In this interaction, I was struck with the significance of the Word of God. As I watched my grandpa and the superintendent converse through a translator, I saw how faith connected these two very different men. Two men who cannot understand what each other are saying are able to work towards the common goal of furthering God's kingdom. Thats neat.
Also, though the translating of every comment took time, it was interesting to hear the commentary on North Korea and OMS's vision. Currently, the country is open only for one area of S. Korea business that has established a factory to use N. Korean workers. The sad part of this arrangement is that first the N. Koreans are not paid as much as if they were southern, but also the little that they receive is taken from them by the government. They eventually receive a tiny fraction of the already miniscule amount. I thank God that I was born in a free country where I can go to school and am able to eat every day. Thankfully, the country seems to be allowing more and more outside input, and within the tunnel of oppression, a light is in the distance.

Hopefully, as the country eventually allows many more individuals to enter the country, we will be able to provide these hurting people with food, medical attention, but most importantly, hope in a God who will never fail them. On a lighter note, my parents would laugh at the fact that Koreans like to sleep in the hottest temperature possible. I swear, even though it is cooler outside than Hong Kong, the insides of cars, apartments, and buildings are like a big system of saunas. I have decided that it is a conspiracy against westerners and the cult of air-conditioning. If they can take it, more power to them. Today has been very enlightening, as the roads and infrastructure seem more like America than Hong Kong, but the culture is drastically different. Hasta luego amigos...

m0r3 p1c7ures @ picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 4 - A Day of Grey

2008-09-24T10:00:00.000-04:00

Good morning America! It is strange to say that, as I am now another hour ahead of the U.S., this time in Korea. This evening, we arrived in South Korea, after coming through a typhoon in Hong Kong. The picture from the left is the sky outside the airport before leaving this morning. It was raining pretty hard and was quite windy on the way to the airport, but the second picture below is when the typhoon was directly over the airport. There was a lot of rain, as you can see. We made it safely out of Hong Kong with about a two hour delay. While we were boarding the plane, there was lighting that was striking within a second of the thunder, and it was raining very hard. Needless to say, our skillful pilot got us out of there, but the take-off was less than smooth. I would say that is acceptable under such conditions.

Today, along with slaving over some more Calculus homework, I finished the book This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti. After reading this book for the first time in a few years, I am amazed at the relevance it has to my life, and spiritual warfare. The way that the demons in the book spoke to their subjects and the subtlty of their seduction to sin reveals how little we attribute temptation to actual demons. For me, the book vividly portrayed the reality of geniune spiritual warfare and the importance of prayer to the community of believers and our well-being as Christ-followers. I tore through that book, as it is incredible well-written, action-filled, and fast-paced, but very pertinent to our culture. Props to Frank Peretti.

Upon arriving in Korea, a few things seemed akin to home, as opposed to Hong Kong. First, we drive on the right again. Woo! In Hong Kong, my driving reflexes screamed at me the entire time I rode in some vehicle on the roads. Also, the highways in Korea are very large, and the freeway resembles I-40, enough to be obvious to me. As we neared the city from the highway, the countryside resembled something that you might see driving along a highway in the mountains of North Carolina, until we actually reached the city. I think part of my cultural experience is not only going to a foreign countries, but also staying in large cities. After spending most of my life in small town NC and VA, even a small metropolis is something new to me.

The city, as you can see in the picture, looks as most large cities in the U.S. would, but all of the signs are in Korean. (Imagine that... ). My grandfather and I are staying in an apartment that is owned by OMS, and we are enjoying having our own rooms, instead of staying with someone as in HK. Today has been a grey day, as told in the title, not because it was a bad day, but because the storm was grey, the airport was grey, and the buildings in Korea are grey in the dark. Interesting. For me, however, it is time to enjoy the bed I have and to get some sleep.
Until tomorrow...

As always, more pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 3 - GDS XC Goes Global (and a Typhoon!) (Sept 23)

2008-09-24T00:19:00.001-04:00

Well, here I am at the end of another day in Hong Kong, and I am tired. Jet lag is beginning to catch up to me, and I’m falling asleep as I type. Part of my fatigue comes from this morning, as I was offered the opportunity to “go running” with Cindy, one of the missionaries who has run about 6 marathons. Now when I’m offered a chance to “go running”, I figure there will be normal terrain, maybe 6-8 miles. When she thinks running, however, her running is more like hiking up a mountain, very quickly. We ended up going about 10-12 miles at a fast walk or a run, but after some of the huge sets of stairs, I was about to die. The run/trail walk this morning is one of the hardest workouts I have ever done, as jet lag, pollution, and intense climbs culminated to humble me and my supposed fitness. For me, I was eventually able to make it, but the most irksome detail was that Cindy was trucking along with no trouble, and I was about to die. I lose. But, there were some awesome views from the mountains that we traveled over. The below picture shows me in front of one of the peaks that we jogged straight up called Lion's Peak. It hurt.

The expedition started about 7 this morning, and we got back to the OMS offices around 10:30. From that time until lunch, I showered and spent some time doing some homework. Lunch was at a delicious Chinese restaurant close by. My chopstick abilities are developing fairly well, and I love genuine Chinese food, though it is strange sometimes. I have no idea what I have eaten, for the most part, except that it resembles some sort of meat and vegetables, sometimes wrapped in something clear, or mixed with rice or noodles. If you’re willing to try things, Chinese food can turn out to be excellent, just don’t think about what you might be eating. After lunch, I spent much of the afternoon struggling through Calculus work… Good times.

At about 5 that evening, the local directors, my grandfather, and I all left the offices to attend the Seminary Board meeting at a small hotel downtown. Small may be a slight understatement, as you can see by the picture. This is not usual practice for my grandpa’s meetings, but one of the individuals on the board is a regular at this restaurant and he fronted the bill for the evening. The dinner was a buffet; we ate as much food as we wanted from the extensive selections that were offered. The restaurant had everything from fried calamari, to salad, to Mongolian barbeque, to sushi. By the time that the group left the hotel, we were waddling to the parking lot, our stomachs filled with delicious Chinese dishes. Past the stir-fry and the vegetables hid another dimension of the buffet--the desert line. If the buffet was not enough, the desert line had over 20 different selections of custards, cakes, and fruit. Dinner was warming to heart and to the stomach.

Also tonight, we are in the middle of a typhoon. That’s right, a typhoon! As I sit here typing, the rain is pounding on the windows and the door is shaking. The worst of the typhoon, which is essentially a hurricane in the Pacific, was tonight at 9, and the rain was coming down so hard that my shirt was soaked during the 4 second walk from the car to the door. Being a category 8 typhoon, this means that the storm is a strong one. The picture on the left shows the storm cloud coming in over the city. Hopefully, enough of the storm will pass so that our flight can leave tomorrow, for tomorrow we’re off to Korea. I feel as though I have paid my jet lag dues and it is now time for my body to adjust, but we will see how it cooperates with that plan tomorrow. Until next time…

More pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 2 - Into the City (Sept 22)

2008-09-22T09:53:00.001-04:00

Well, here we are. In Asia. It is hot. When I say hot, I mean the kind of hot that we feel in the South when it there is a humidity upwards of 90% in the middle of July. They have this everyday and I feel for them because, by the end of today, I was sweaty, hot, tired, but it has been a great day. In the morning, we ate at the Rea's place and Celeste Rea then took me to see the city while my grandfather was in meetings. The picture you see to the left is a view from the ferry that goes across Victoria Harbor to Hong Kong Island. As you can see by the haze in the picture, the pollution is unbelievable. The many gasses in the air hold in heat, but the locals say that the pollution is comprable to smoking 8 cigarettes a day. I'm not a fan.

But, the skyline is impressive. The island is a corporate metropolis covered by the heat-absorbent miles of concrete and much of the high-end architecture is unique and modern. Though HK Island is filled with famous architecture and banking money, the architecture in most of HK consists of mostly apartments. There are hundreds if not thousands of these high-rises that contain hundreds of apartments each. The tiny city of Hong Kong manages to cram about 7 million citizens into it, which results in a large population of low income individuals. Beyond the apartments, Celeste and I trekked through HK Island to ride the longest escalator in the world as you can see a portion of it on the left.

After spending the morning swimming through the HK heat, I had my first encounter with Chinese cuisine and chopsticks... The picture to the left gives proof that I actually figured out how to use those diabolic utensils, but I had to defeat the forces of evil in order to gain the skill. Lunch was at a nice restaurant in the middle of a large mall, and the food was delicious. I ate chicken feet (also in the picture). Have you eaten that before?... Dinner was at a small local Chinese place and we ate some excellent sweet & sour chicken and rice. At every place there is rice, so much rice. The rice, however, is much better than most American rice, and it goes nicely with the local menus.
In the afternoon, I was asked to participate in an sports awards ceremony for the local Christian high schools. My grandpa was supposed to come as well, but he was still in a meeting, so I served as his representative. Since the schools are supported and loosely owned by OMS (the company my grandpa is with), the field director and I gave a few thoughts to the participants. This was the largest group that I have ever spoken in front of, as there were about 900 individuals attending the ceremony. The picture on the left shows about 1/3 of the people. In the evening, I was able to serve as a guest speaker to an English class for Chinese who want to become pastors. The group had prepared interview questions for me and they asked me about where I lived, my family, my church, and even my house. They were very interested to know what my house and my yard looked like, and I was humbled by the blessing of a house, a yard, and having space. From today's experiences, the main thing I have come to realize is how blessed we are in America. By seeing the living conditions of many in HK, I am all the more stricken by the privileges we enjoy as Americans. I thank God that He has allowed me to live in a country with a non-oppressive and mostly non-intrusive government. Our complaints as Americans are nothing compared to the trespasses that these citizens suffer as Chinese. To be continued...

As always, more pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Asian Invasion: Day 1 – Embarking on a Quest (Sat/Sun Sept 20/21)

2008-09-21T10:03:00.003-04:00

As I write this, I am about 35,000 feet above the Pacific Ocean just past the International Date Line (as my entertainment console tells me). As you can see in the back of a seat picture, the 747 from L.A. to Hong Kong is sweet. Starting from the beginning of my quest, the journey opens with a sleepy eyed Nathan waking to the sound of “Five Minutes til Midnight” and the subsequent beep of the alternate alarm at 4:45 am. The flight from Greensboro to Memphis was a quaint jet (as you can see in the picture to left), and a cute flight, clocking in at just about two hours. In Memphis, we had only 30 minutes between landing and the time of our next flight, so we hit the speed of sound walking on those awesome flat escalators to be sure we didn’t miss our connection.

The jet that took us from Memphis to L.A. was slightly larger and I was able to experience First Class seating. Since Northwest overbooked the flight, I had my ticket on standby waiting for a seat this past week. Eventually the company just moved me up to First Class where there must’ve been an open seat (score!). On this flight we consumed our first airplane meal—a Northwest breakfast tray. It was awesome. On the left you will see a few pictures taken out the window of this jet on the five hour trip to L.A.

In L.A. we transferred from Northwest Airlines to an Asian airline (alliteration!) called Cathay Pacific. This 747 was the owner of said entertainment hubs which provided hours of movies for me during the 15 hour flight to Hong Kong. During the flight, we had quality conversations, but while Grandpa slept, I watched 21, Flawless, and The Chronicles of Narnia Price Caspian (and an episode of House). I was pleased at the options, as each of these movies turned out to be most enjoyable. The other perk of the Cathay Pacific 747 is that I was constantly eating. The airpline has excellent service, so between the plane’s snacks, drinks, and water glasses, we also had our second airborne meal over the Pacific Ocean.

Now I finish today’s post in Hong Kong, but today is now Sunday… The interesting part of flying from American to Asia is the fact that I started my day at 4:45am on Saturday and we arrived in Hong Kong at about 7pm on Sunday. Weird. As I write this, it is 2:10 am in the good ole ‘boro, but the sky outside of the airplane is bright and sunny. Weird. I have a feeling that I will be kinda tired. To be continued…
More pictures can be found at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

Airplanes and Airshows

2008-09-17T23:52:00.008-04:00

"Daddy, Uhh!" Baby Luke suddenly exlaims, frantically pointing through the ceiling, as the sound of a distant airplane permeates the walls of his home. As the loving father curls his arm around his son, John smiles knowingly, as he does every other time that the jet-propelled machine passes over. Though annoyance could be a result of this habitual routine, the caring father is far more interested in the son's passions than his own comfort. With a twinkle in his eye, John says "Yea Luke, thats an airplane!" The love of the father is so great, that he does not mind the simplicity of his son's perceptions, but instead he treats this exclamation as an observation of greatest interest. He loves the son for his passions, not his abilities.

How often do we seem like Baby Luke? Everytime I come to some great new epiphany, personal or spiritual, I am amazed by the limited scope of my perception. God's mind is so much greater than ours, and it is humbling to think how little we know in comparison. The one thing that I am most grateful for is God's love. He chooses to look beyond our simplicity and simply love as for our passion, for who we are. He guides us like Baby Luke's loving father, teaching us to transform our simple thoughts into His thoughts.

"... be transformed by the renewing of your minds" (Rom 12:2)

nate.

What is Art?

2008-09-11T22:36:00.000-04:00

Nature is generally not considered art, but what is art? Art seems, at the bare minimum, to require an artist, and this artist must have the intention of creating the work as a piece of art work. For me, the sky is by far my favorite work of art. From my worldview, there is a creator, who painted the sky with his own finger tips with the intention of displaying his glory. In this instance, the creator has not only created the sky as a work of art, but has declared it so, saying that “the skies declare his (the creator’s) glory”. Our sky is one of the most incredible works of art because it is forever changing. It communicates the sentiments of our climate and weather, but it also can cause emotions such as wonder at a beautiful sunset, or the gloomy coziness of an overcast sky. In a world full of human-based art, the sky is arguably the most majestically fluid form of art in existence.

Look up, and admire the wonder of our God

nate.

I Have an Awesome Friend

2008-09-06T00:28:00.004-04:00

I have an awesome friend, who invites me over to talk when no one else wants me to. I have an awesome friend who loves me at my worst. I have an awesome friend who feels pain when I fail, but loves my return to grace. I have a friend who challenges my call to ministry by his incredible example. I have an awesome friend who pushes the limits of my quest for God and his never-ending love. I have an awesome friend who is not there too often, but he has been there when no one else was there.

Who else would be as goofy as him?

Thanks for listening to my philosophical musing, it was fun.

nate. (to M)

Poisonous Mango

2008-09-02T22:25:00.002-04:00

There will always be "that guy". At least until heaven, the church will always have that individual who claims the guise of Christianity, but has no real desire or intentions to live accordingly. By no means does our works determine our salvation. Under such constrictions, I am set to burn for a long time (in hell that is). But James effectively addressed this concept of faith vs. works as follows: "Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself." (James 2:17) Faith is the undercurrent of a lifetime spent pursuing God, and the product of such a lifestyle can be no other than the fruits of the spirit. Love, patience, kindness, and self-control are but a few of the many qualities that the Holy Spirit in you, sanctifying your life, can produce. God's abounding grace is that he allows us to experience this sanctification, although we deserve to suffer for eternity.

Tonight I ate a mango and it was delectable.

If the mango tree was poisoned, I would probably die or become violently ill, as many people do when poisoned. In the same way, how can the church allow poisonous fruit to infect the Body of Christ? (meaning the church body) There is probably at least one person whom we know is "that guy". This instant judgment is probably the vain judging that we do as humans, trying to place ourselves as greater than our friends. It is this initial judgment, however, that can potentially reflect a lifestyle that our misguided friend may not be pursuing--namely, a lifestyle of pursuing God. Priorities and decisions over a period of time often reflect the deepest desires of an individual, and we must confront our friend if these decisions reflect a consistent willful desire to sin. If there is no repentance after individual peer-to-peer assistance, confrontation by a small group, and eventually confrontation by the church, the behavior of our peer is demonic.

My human emotions cringe as we see "that guy" leaving the doors of our church screaming "F this place!!", or even as he walks out silently. At first glance, I can't stand the unloving attitude that this process seems to portray, but whom did Jesus attack most severely? Pharisees, and others who claimed faith, but had no desire to live a life governed by God. He uses some of his harshest language and most frightening actions to clear his temple of such blasphemers. Though rejecting demonic activity within the church is not always necessarily intuitive, it is biblical.

Beware of "that guy"

Don't eat the poisonous mango

nate.

Republican or Democrat... Nah, Jesus For President!!!

2008-08-27T21:21:00.002-04:00

Earlier this evening, a fellow student spoke the following words in reference to the current election, and it pained me: "My dad hates Joe Biden, so I do too." As much as my conservative upbringing screams for me to follow suit and accept judgments on blind faith, I cannot accept such ignorance. Though I do not consider this friend an ignorant individual, this comment reveals an common theme I have seen within the church--a lack of questioning. Students generally take whatever their parents say and hold to it, almost never thinking or deciding for themselves. The conservative circle has enveloped the Christian faith in a bubble of ignorance and allows no deviance from the policy that is not necessarily biblical or correct. Any who try to question or leave the bubble are either labeled an "ignorant liberal", "stupid", and even "non-christian". How dare we. The church has, first and foremost, no authority to decide for everyone what the right path is. Input is useful in coming to a decision, but this barbaric manner of decision making reverts back to the days of Catholicism. During the days of Martin Luther, the church primarily used a Bible written in Latin, not because there wasn't a translation, but simply because the masses could not read Latin. Therefore, the church had ultimate authority to decide the interpretation of the truth. As the masses could only see the Bible through the selective lenses of the clergy, corruption ensued and subsequently the Protestant Reformation came about. In this same way, we must look beyond the so called "political truth" that our spiritual leaders proclaim, not forsaking their insight, but simply being sure that the ultimate decision is ours and ours alone.

Vote for Yourself

nate.

Let Me Be A Liar

2008-08-26T22:18:00.005-04:00

I'm so thankful that I am not God.

I consider all of the pressure of such an esteemed position.. then I consider all the times I cave in under pressure...

I ponder the stretches of God's power... then I consider my personal weakness...

God asked Job, "Do you have the arm of God?" I cannot even speak to answer that question.

I realize how he painted the stars with his fingers... then I realize how I can't even paint with a brush..

"Let God be true, and every man a liar." (Rom 3:4)

Oh Lord, teach me to be humble

nate.

On the Human Stamina

2008-08-26T21:52:00.005-04:00

The incessant bear of scholastic activity that pervades the entire adolescent existence.
A way to advance learning.
How to fit more into school curriculum.
An occupation of a youth's potential free time.
Busy work.
School work.

Homework

Glancing through the above list of descriptions, some positive, some very negative, I question as follows: What is homework to me? By no means is this a moral appeal as another teacher saying "be optimistic! homework is extending your potential for learning!", this is a plea to consider the role of homework in your life.

From personal experience, homework means staying up long past my ideal bedtime, it means allowing Greensboro Day to invade my sleep habits and to use its claws of authority to pick up my life and drop it a few hours past midnight for the next 8 months. Not only does homework involve the drudge of busy work and endless odd numbered calculus problems, but homework includes the tedious assembly of your demonstration of mastery. By this I mean to say papers and projects. Laboring over hundreds of pages of a literary text or covering yourself in paint and glue in the making of a poster. all this is not even mentioning examination. Oh, examination! I defy your existence. After night after night of busy work preparing for the final chapter test, the eve of the examination is not spent in quiet hope for the coming of the next day, but instead a fearful apprehension over what may be the undoing of all your hard work.

Now that Freud's Id has had its say, I must give the rebuttal for my emotionally driven paragraph of quibbles. In contrast with what one may believe of me from the above writings, I enjoy school work for the most part. By no means can I claim to enjoy the pains of the learning process, but it is the most strenuous school work that has taught me the most. Lessons of perseverance, integrity, self-control, and most importantly the development of a work ethic have been the bi-products of the Greensboro Day nuclear reaction of stress and overworking. As my maturation has gradually taken place, my person has not only undergone changes of character, but the values to which I ascribe have been modified. By this nondescript phrase, I mean that through the GDS furnace of homework and stress, the importance of relaxation and meaningful friendships has been refined into a fine gold.

As humans, there is no question that we are made for work. One of the punishments of the human condition of sinfulness is that we must now "work the land"(metaphorically and literally), for the entirety of our existence. It is important, however, to realize that we are meant for so much more. Life is, as Plato taught, centered around discovering the golden mean--finding the balance between obligation and want. Where there is no place for developing inertia in laziness and sloth, there is also no place for working to the death. The human stamina is not meant to be abused. We must respect our bodies and minds and therefore give ourselves over to a healthy balance between work and relaxation.

In the words of esteemed philosopher Stephen Puckett,

"Don't let school wear you out."

I really can't put it more simply than that,

nate. (thanks stephen!)

Freud v. The Bible: Who Wins?

2008-03-13T22:16:00.005-04:00

I have heard one person after another, who claims Christianity as their own, viciously renounce the research and claims of Sigmund Freud. This eccentric psychoanalyst who revolutionized the field of psychology has created vast controversy as a result of his views that sex is the basis of everything that happens in life and are the basis for our actions as humans. Though this is obviously wrong from the perspective of biblical truth, it is unscientific to completely discount his valuable research on the human psyche and it's influences. As a Christ-follower, it is incredibly difficult and mostly unreasonable to accept any Freudian ideas, but truth is still present to a degree.

Freud, beyond his sexualization of life, is most notably known for his division of the human psyche into the Super-ego, the Ego, and the Id. In a battle of the Super-ego against the Id, the Super-ego represents obligation created by the moral code of the human mind. In essence, Super-ego is the legalism that everyone experiences at one point or another, when guilt overwhelms us and an individual feels obligated to do the morally right action. The opposition to Super-ego is the Id--our most primitive impulses and desires with no restraint. This portion of the psyche is impulsive to no end and is generally pleasure seeking regardless of morality or consequences. Lastly, the Ego is the balance between the two that is most often seen in humans. Most people we encounter daily are ruled by their Freudian Ego, the balance between hedonism and legalism.

Though these ideas seem purely secular in nature, God is omnisciently pervasive throughout creation--even into the human psyche. Paul addresses the conflict of the human mind at the end of his letter to the church in Galatia.

Galatians 6:15 - Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is a new creation.

When Paul talks about circumcision, he is addressing a group of Christians in Galatia, called the Judaizers, who believed that to be saved and acceptable to God, one must accept Christ and also follow the whole Jewish law. This philosophy is more commonly known today as legalism, and it is something we have all been faced with at one point or another. Obligation is one point that the modern church emphasizes subconsciously, as we seem to put too much emphasis at times on the "do nots" of life. Additionally, spiritual prowess is equivalent to being visually active in church activities. Freud's Super-ego is the exact parallel of this influence on human behavior, as the Super-ego is the formal embodiment of legalism in the human mind. By placing obligation over a joy-filled relationship with our loving creator, the legalism of the Super-ego cannot give a person the full satisfaction of life.

Uncircumcision also represents another group of people in Galatia--the Hedonists. Since hedonism has such a negative connotation of being grossly overindulging, it goes to represent our most primitive desires for pleasure and personal satisfaction. The Hedonists followed a form of Deism, where God is like a clockmaker who creates the world as a giant clock, then simply leaves it to function on its own. If God does not permeate every portion of life, there is no need to follow our moral law and we are able to give in to our pure desire for pleasure. Freud named this section of our human psyche the Id--our impulsive journey for personal gratification. A philosophy following the Id has no need for personal responsibility and gives no heed to innate moral law or the consequences of not following this code. This is how the majority of modern men live: for their personal betterment financially, emotionally, physically, and in all other ways. Though we are not meant to live as emotionless machines, there must be some purpose and moderation in all of the pleasurable pursuits that life has to offer.

Lastly, both Freud and Paul search for the middle ground between the two. At one end lies the endless stretch of guilt and oppression within moral obligation, and at the other resides a filthy pit of unrestrained human indulgence. Freud finds his middle ground on a see-saw, a continuous game of tug-of-war between the conflicting portions of the human psyche. The Ego represents our "sense of self", our identity, that we can only have when mediating the struggle between Super-ego and the Id. In theory, this balancing act is feasible, but Paul realizes that humans cannot do this alone. The Freudian Ego in Paul's letter is represented by the "new creation" that we can be in order to have freedom through God's saving love. By relying on God's power to mediate our conflicting Id and Super-ego, we receive incredible intellectual and personal freedom through the power of Christ's death on the cross. In essence, all that is required of us is to simply be dependent on the power of God to create our Ego--our own unique identity. In this, we can experience the incredible freedom of living the Ego that God has for us.

Distance is Darkness

2008-03-08T00:02:00.003-05:00

Distance is darkness. This has been one of the guiding factors in modern relationships--that to have a successful relationship is to be as close physically and emotionally as possible to one another. A distancing of the friends or lovers is never seen as beneficial. How could separation of strong friends bring depth to the friendship they share? John Donne examines how a friendship can endure change in this poem and presents two incredible metaphors to demonstrate the reality of the matter.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home

Such wilt thou be to me, who must
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

(John Donne - A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning)

First, the metaphor of gold. I love the way that Donne portrays the gold, which must endure a distancing of itself by being beaten and flattened in to a different form. In this way the gold is stretched thin, but it is still beautiful and valuable, and, most importantly, it is still intact. This can be a friendship that has changed. Though two individuals are not close in the same way they were when dating; their friendship has been flattened out like the gold, and the relationship has taken a different form, just like the gold. But once again, the important piece is that the different relationship can still be intact and wonderful. I really think that a good friendship is able to withstand metamorphosis as the individuals go through different stages of life. The best friendship can still be intact and even more beautiful when it is beaten into a different form by life's circumstances.

Second, the metaphor of the compass that Donne uses is so indicative of a strong friendship. He says, if "they be two, they are two so", as lovers who become just friends again are separate for all literal purposes, but are still together in friendship like the two independent points of a compass join together in the middle. As one point of the compass moves, the other remains still connected, though both points do not necessarily always stay in the same place. Also, one point is not always the only one making the motion. Both points are capable of being the point of motion at different times. This is parallel to friendship, as, at different points in a relationship, the two individuals are on their own respective journeys and have their own struggles, but the points are still connected. Even though one point or the other may be running in circles, they still end up connected to the other, no matter how close or far the compass, or the relationship, has been stretched. Lastly, as the compass moves, it must compact or extend to fit the situation needed. This is identical to friendships, as the relationship must often evolve to suit the current situations of both individuals. Though the relationship changes, the compass is still connected and the friendship is intact.

This is the question we must pose to our culture:

Is Distance Really Darkness?

Have You?

2008-01-17T00:04:00.000-05:00

As the daylight descends into an abyss of darkness, light streams from the horizons of our perception to highlight the most vivid whites in sight. The human emotions feel a loss of warmth, coupled with the expectant danger of a new evening. All of the security in vision is dampened by an impending sense of excitement coming from the new sources of light emerging into the sky. Through the veil of night slowly covering the day, a sole light shines in the distance--a solitary street lamp. Trudging down the path leading to the couldesac, footsteps seem to dance through the air as the perceptive senses are heightened to the sound of silence. The ricochet of each step reverberates through the hammer and anvil of the inner ear, penetrating through cells to reach the consciousness of the human mind. In a soft whisper, the gentle breeze seduces the ears to be compliant to its whimsical pattern of rustle and flow in the leaves. What could be at work in the night air? The crisp scent of winter breath intoxicates to no end and entreats us to stay forever in the comfort of its icy embrace. As the footsteps retreat towards the welcoming warmth of home, the emotions seem to be saddened, for yet another time has past, another exchange of light.

Have you experienced the Dusk?

nate.

Simple Beauty.

2008-01-16T22:16:00.000-05:00

He who is in love is wise and is becoming wiser, sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved, drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Address on The Method of Nature"

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Robert Frost

What is it like to float? To truly be free of gravity is a feeling few, save astronauts, will ever experience. But, somehow, through an incomprehensible combination of rout and circumstance, we find ourselves floating on earth. The power of love is incredible and beyond the laws of physics and the confines of reason; humankind has been awestruck in the presence of its majesty since the beginning of time. In the surreal experience of love, we, all too often, lose the magic that can surface in the simple course of daily life.

Astronauts stare back at Earth, our iridescent globe of life. The majesty of viewing Earth from afar is comparable to none other as the backdrop of twinkling stars lends itself to the natural beauty of the great Mother. Though astronauts experience the incredible power of Earth in its full majesty, it is not the view common man can appreciate. The average man will never transcend the forces of physics to float in space, but he can appreciate the wonders of nature from the ground of dear Mother Earth. From the timeless imagery of nature, it is evident that some of the most beautiful experiences can be found simply in everyday experience. Driving down Pisgah Church into a brilliant sunset can tug at the strings of even the hardest of hearts and awakes something deep within that says, "that is true beauty." In parallel, it is not necessarily the euphoria found in love which reveals the beauty of a woman, but it is the everyday experiences we share with our loved ones where the most magnificent beauty can be found. The person whom we cherish sparkles with brilliance, not always in circumstance, but often in simple, common interaction.

Learning to love is a journey like no other; the highs and lows of a relationship bring wisdom. In these experiences, love lends a tender hand to an uncertain heart by showing how to love more, and more deeply. To experience a relationship like no other, we must seek wisdom, and in that wisdom we will see latent beauty in our beloved. Beauty such as this is only evident in a heart which seeks a mutual love that is fueled by a simple desire to love, and love without restraint. Though we do not love beyond reason, love should be consumated in the common desire for the betterment of each individual. That is: for each to seek the best for the other.

Love is most evident in self-less sacrifice. Loving a woman is not a idealistic stroll through a park, but rather a war, in which a chivalric knight battles through obstacles of insurmountable odds to rescue a beautiful princess from the tower. This story pulls at the heart of boys and girls alike. It is so inherent to your soul because it is truly what your heart desires; every girl wants to be rescued by a knight in shining armor, and every boy wants to be that knight. The catche comes when most "knights" are unwilling to fight for their princess. They do not realize there is a battle to fight, a dragon to be slayed. It is because of the dragon that men must be willing to perservere to reach their beloved, and not give up when a relationship seems to be fallling apart. If lovers can surmount the rocky terrain of conflict, they will find new beauty in their loved one and be able to experience mutual love in a fuller sense.

Humans cannot comprehend true love, for it is most originally divine. The manner in which God loves us is paramount to even the most fufilling love that two humans can experience. If we can truly understand the manner in which he loved us first most deeply, the love we feel for an extraordinary woman will be multiplied ten-fold and can be consumated in the knowledge that there is one who loves us unconditionally and without reason. In that knowledge we can love without restraint and experience the awe-inspiring beauty that is in store for each of us..

nate.

Pure Majesty

2008-01-16T22:12:00.000-05:00

(Taken from Antigone by Sophocles)

-nate