Distance is Darkness

Distance is darkness. This has been one of the guiding factors in modern relationships--that to have a successful relationship is to be as close physically and emotionally as possible to one another. A distancing of the friends or lovers is never seen as beneficial. How could separation of strong friends bring depth to the friendship they share? John Donne examines how a friendship can endure change in this poem and presents two incredible metaphors to demonstrate the reality of the matter.


Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fixed foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home

Such wilt thou be to me, who must
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end where I begun.

(John Donne - A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning)

First, the metaphor of gold. I love the way that Donne portrays the gold, which must endure a distancing of itself by being beaten and flattened in to a different form. In this way the gold is stretched thin, but it is still beautiful and valuable, and, most importantly, it is still intact. This can be a friendship that has changed. Though two individuals are not close in the same way they were when dating; their friendship has been flattened out like the gold, and the relationship has taken a different form, just like the gold. But once again, the important piece is that the different relationship can still be intact and wonderful. I really think that a good friendship is able to withstand metamorphosis as the individuals go through different stages of life. The best friendship can still be intact and even more beautiful when it is beaten into a different form by life's circumstances.

Second, the metaphor of the compass that Donne uses is so indicative of a strong friendship. He says, if "they be two, they are two so", as lovers who become just friends again are separate for all literal purposes, but are still together in friendship like the two independent points of a compass join together in the middle. As one point of the compass moves, the other remains still connected, though both points do not necessarily always stay in the same place. Also, one point is not always the only one making the motion. Both points are capable of being the point of motion at different times. This is parallel to friendship, as, at different points in a relationship, the two individuals are on their own respective journeys and have their own struggles, but the points are still connected. Even though one point or the other may be running in circles, they still end up connected to the other, no matter how close or far the compass, or the relationship, has been stretched. Lastly, as the compass moves, it must compact or extend to fit the situation needed. This is identical to friendships, as the relationship must often evolve to suit the current situations of both individuals. Though the relationship changes, the compass is still connected and the friendship is intact.

This is the question we must pose to our culture:

Is Distance Really Darkness?