Perfect Love.

We know what we want. Many of us make lists of characteristics, many daydream, but all aspire for the ideal form of our mate who is floating somewhere in the ethereal land of men and women. There is a Mr. Right and a corresponding figure for us strapping young lads. Why do we compromise? Women, you deserve so much more than we give you, and many times more than you settle for. All men are not self-centered and morally invasive, there are boys in this world who are waiting for the women who wants a real man. One who is worth the wait. What have we become? The sense of intimacy in relationships now corresponds with the emotions that our loved one evokes. Sure, by no means is emotion bad or always deceitful. It is, however, the source of the many problems with our society's dating culture. Do you wonder why so many high school relationships fizzle out like a dimming sparkler on the 4th? It is due to emotion. One or two people have said that they love the emotions in a relationship, and rightly they should, because that is what God has planned for marriage! The emotional upwellings within high school relationships are but small windows into the emotional connection within marriage. When we experience a watered down form of this emotion, we are just playing in the bathtub. The water is nice and warm, and it is nice-that is until you have to get out. Until you have to go back into the cool air of your house. What we are missing out on is like the ocean. We could wait, and then go to the beach. There there is no bathtub-there is the vast, blue expanse of sparkling laughter.

The ocean to me is always smiling. Sunsets at the coast are glorious, and being at the beach brings me joy, and I know that Jesus looks out in wonder at the same majestic scenes. God knows how we need emotional satisfaction, but he wants us to wait for the final act. Each interaction that we have with someone leaves a small piece of us with them. It is like we are each a composition of light, and as we are with someone, the lights dance and swirl together as the two beings are united in a unified state of being. This could be a simply hello, but God has created each of us with our unique essence, and as we divulge more and more of that to people throughout our life, we are giving out light. In a dating relationship, we are pouring out light. Two "lovers" often share their deepest desires, their highest aspirations, and their most vulnerable moments with each other, and their lights begin to become indiscriminately mixed. All of a sudden, the lights are unnaturally ripped apart, and the reaction causes a loss of light for both individuals. They will never be the same, as they each now own a small piece of the other's soul. How can anyone go into a relationship casually, arrogantly thinking that it will be the couple to break the cliche of high school dating.

These light reactions, they are no more than common interactions; two friends exchange greetings. It is common for us to spread our light; we are sprinkling small drops of our personal "essence" on someone else. Almost like lingering cologne, your light will remain on the people you touch and keep you on their mind. The beauty of our essence is in the fact that we are complete with Jesus. I need not and cannot be anyone other than me. When we choose to be a part of God's story, he sends Sarayu, his spirit, to live in us and to inspire us. Our physical body is what we most commonly live by, but we also have our mind in which we usually reside. Most interesting is our spirit, the place that we seldom experience consciously, but it is the place where Sarayu is most present. We must fill our spirit with the love of God, so that our light can be all the more mature and brilliant. God does not clean up our act, he develops each of our respective essences into brilliant masterpieces that will subconsciously affect all those around us. Isn't it a beautiful mess?

But I diverge. High school relationships are not bad, but why rush them? We hurtle fullspeed into a relationship that more resembles a marriage or a romance, where all we need is a friendship. The most fulfilling relationship with a guy or girl will be experiencing the valley with them--living the daily drudge alongside your best friend. Contrived love and romance have no place for now, we must learn to love outside of our emotions. Love from the depths of our spirit, out of the light which Sarayu so delightfully enriches for us. Pursue the heart of the one whom you seek, you will find there what you seek--love. If Sarayu is at the heart of the one whom you seek, then as you both draw near to Sarayu, you will draw near to each other. Seek not romance, seek Sarayu, seek Papa.

Seek Jesus

nate.

"God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this love is perfected" (1 John 4:16-17)

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A Pretty Face, the Kind You'd Find on Someone That Could Save

"Remember, the people who know me [Jesus] are the ones who are free to live and love without any agenda."

"Is that what is means to be a Christian?" It sounded kind of stupid as Mack said it, but it was how he was trying to sum up everything in his mind.

"Who said anything about being a Christian? I'm not a Christian"

The idea struck Mack as odd and unexpected and he couldn't keep himself from grinning. "No, I suppose you aren't"

They arrived at the door of the workshop. Again Jesus stopped. "Those who love me come from every system that exists. They were Buddhists or Mormons, Baptists or Muslims, Democrats, Republicans and many who don't vote or are not part of any Sunday morning or religious institutions. I have followers who were murderers and many who were self-righteous. Some are bankers and bookie, Americans and Iraqis, Jews and Palestinians. I have no desire to make them Christian, but I do want to join them in their transformation into songs and daughters of my Papa, into my brothers and sisters, into my Beloved."

"Does that mean," asked Mack, "that all roads will lead to you?"

"Not at all," smiled Jesus as he reached for the door handle to the shop. "Most roads don't lead anywhere. What it does mean is that I will travel any road to find you."


This blew my mind.
You should read The Shack by William Young, from where this excerpt is taken.
It is a book that will revitalize your insight into the heart of God,
It will make you yearn for the presence of Papa.

nate.

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Subterranean Homesick Alien

I'm no longer busy. Cross Country has ended. My college application for UNC is almost finished. I'm caught up with my school work. I've had more time for friends and free time, but feel a void. There is a darkness which is suddenly revealed. In the space left by my former stress and busyness, I have found a subversive loneliness and coldness which now entraps me. Where the mediocre warmth of my world used to be enough to help me through, my need for a affirmation is all the more amplified with the chilly fall air. Where a kind blue sky calls warmly to me, the wispy clouds droop and sulk, while they all but weep at the changing of times and the coming of winter. The fun and energy of summer is setting like the sun I now see fleeing from our town. I have always loved autumn--the crisp air, the energy of change. All of a sudden, this year is different. Changes have come, and I am not where I was last year. I yearn for Papa; I hear Yeshua passionately woodworking in his shed, as he prepares me for an exciting new season of life. As Oswald Chambers says, the true essence of life is not the mountain-tops, it is when we reside in the valley, when we come down from ecstasy and enlightenment, and face the slow canter at which we normally live. Like returning from the lake or the beach, we descend from glorious existence into our strikingly normal being. I want more. I want joy. I want exhilarating friendships. And he knows these things. He knows what I need. Papa puts me where he knows I need to be. So I trudge on, through the shadow in which I now reside. In that, I believe the shadow proves the sunshine--that our seasons of cold, leafless trees are followed by glorious blooms of color and pleasure.

Let me be Your clay, broken and formed into a new being.
Let the old pass away, let the new come forth.
Let my deadened leaves fall away, and Your Spirit bring forth new life

nate.

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Pure Majesty

Love, unconquerable
Waster of rich men, keeper
Of warm lights and all night vigil
In the soft face of a girl:
Sea-wanderer, forest visitor!
Even the pure Immortals cannot escape you
And mortal man, in his one day's dusk,
Trembles before your glory

(Taken from Antigone by Sophocles)

Ancient literature has power. The unseeming majesty of complicated literature can overcome the most unsuspecting individual, simply trying to succeed in a world full of academic rigor. Love is an incredibly entity, who can understand it? Human kind never has and can never fully comprehend the complexities and subtleties of love. From the corrosive properties of lustful desires, to the whimsical features of casual love, the world has shifted from a reverent appreciation of the majesty of the deepest loves, to an irreverant exploitation of the joys found in love. In this small moment of your time spent reading my thoughts alloted in HTML boxes, savor the pure delight of love in its original form (from the brilliance of Sophocles) and see the life that ancient writing brings to ideas that have since grown cold and inert.

-nate

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Throw Away Your Washing Machine

"Ah what a relief it is, to be in Christ He's the life that I need to live" Woah! Stop! "the life that I need to live"... what does that even mean? This is a bumping song (Relief by Trip Lee), but I wish we could rearrange some things. Lets see...

How bout "We live the life we need to live, so we can be in Christ... and be relieved.." Hmm (fail.) But, isn't that how you feel a lot of times? Don't you feel the weight of "needing" to do something to make yourself clean? I want to rest and be content in Jesus, and simply accept all that he has done for me, but I always feel the need to do something. Jesus is often my washing machine. I give him my flesh for a short time, so that he can wash it, and I can live with cleanliness for a short time (before it becomes dirty again..) That, however, is not at all how it is! Our flesh is not sinful anymore! That's not what it is. By no means will we never sin (I can attest to that), but how awesome is it that we are free from sin. Fighting the battle over sin seems like a current and future thing to me, but it has already been fought and won! We don't have to fight, we just need to "reckon ourselves dead to sin" (Rom 6), or just realize how Jesus has killed our old sin nature. We don't have to sin anymore - we have the power to choose not to sin. That's sweet.

Your identity is God. You are clean, you are holy. You are loved.

"There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ" (John 8:1)

"Jesus said to her, 'Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.'" (John 8:11)

Throw away your washing machine, God has made you dirt-proof.

nate.

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Home Again

Following my excursion to Asia, there is nothing like hitting the play button and resuming my paused activities and friendships. I have am so very thankful for my friends; thanks guys for making me feel welcome and loved. Being back in America is weird, because I haven't been quite right until I took the slow saunter down the small hill off of Muirs Chapel; until I walked down the concrete stairs; until I passed through the familiar doors which hold the smiles and the energy of my family at the Core. At the point when I entered the Core room, my shoulders relaxed, my tiredness vanished, and I began to laugh and be merry. I was home. Seeing all those people whom I missed, life began to feel normal again. All this to say, Asia was incredible, but I am very happy to be back in the arms of my beloved friends. I think I am going to store all of you in my pocket for the remainder of my life, because I don't know what I'd do without you. Its good to be back.

nate.

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ZZZzzzz...

Welcome to a new website!!
I figured that with a new title, a new site was appropriate.
The title is easier to remember ( we pierce the darkness (<---all smashed together))
Asia is much better (I know), but please don't boycott any new stuff!
Its just like my return to all the people that I like back home, my writing is back to the things I normally write about. Things like life, and people, and God. Cool stuff like that.

Anyways...
Jetlag is a bummer..
End of story (because now, I sleep)

Namaste

nate.

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Asian Invasion: Day 14 - Closing Time..

Well, the end is here. It is with sadness that I write this final blog from Asia. The invasion is over, and I return home to become a regular student again, no more adventures. But, I am very excited to see everyone again! Today we had breakfast at a local hotel with all of the company teachers who are here in Indonesia. Eating here in Indonesia has been excellent, as the cost of food is dramatically lower than in the states. We have enjoyed the nice restaurants around here, at maybe ¼ of the cost of an equivalent meal in the states. Breakfast consisted of a multi-course offering of coffee, fruit, an assortment of breads, and a breakfast meat entrée, all for less than 10 dollars. It was excellent. Also, it was great to see the common bonds that the teachers had developed and the fun that they had spending time with each other. This morning was definitely a quality experience (and great food!).

The rest of my day was fairly sedentary. We were supposed to be leaving for the town that has the airport around two this afternoon, but this plan was disrupted. The man who was supposed to take us wasn’t able to go until around six, (he had some other engagement…) but we didn’t actually leave until seven. Culturally, many Asians in the South Pacific don’t have an understanding of commitments or being on time, so when he said six, it more reasonably meant around seven. We did, however, have a quiet afternoon at our guest house. My grandpa spent time with the field leaders here evaluating the work here and setting vision for the future. I, on the other hand, spent most of this afternoon finding the new blog template that you are savoring at this moment, as well as doing a little school reading for Gov’t/Econ.

My time here in Asia has been quite rewarding. Though I have been away from my schooling, there is no question that my education has continued. I have experienced many different cultures with different values and customs, but I have had great opportunities to spend time with people. Since my trip is not really from a tourist/sight-seeing perspective, I have been able to converse and spend time with all sorts of people, from government officials, to seminary presidents, to local residents. Not only have I had opportunities to experience culture, but I been able to contribute to God’s work in different countries. Blessed cannot begin to describe the way I have felt as we have visited so many different cultures and people during the past two weeks. Being able to see all that I have has touched me deeply, to see all that God has done in these people’s lives. Some of the people we have met with have worked or taught in their country for over 30 years and many are past retirement, yet continue to seek visa renewal each year. These individuals have made it their life’s purpose to show the love of our Father to the people of Hong Kong, Korea, East Asia, and Indonesia.

For me, in my idealistic bubble, it has been eye-opening to see and hear of the struggles of the work. The know that families in certain countries must be mindful of safety, especially in East Asia, has a whole different meaning once you have lived, for a few days, under the same constrictions. The blessing of American freedom of religion, as much as we bicker about that freedom, is all the more meaningful once you experience a country without freedom. When you see first-hand the effect that the DMZ has had on both Koreas, the news about the two nations is more understandable and impactful. If nothing else, this experience has most taught me how to empathize with those of different cultures. When I lived in their shoes, even just for a few days, I experienced their daily struggles and situations, and I have a better understanding of their relation to the international community. We cannot begin to become a nation that is respected internationally unless we are willing to step down off Mount Olympus and open our eyes to the cultures of different nations. America doesn’t have all the answers, and in some cases, we would do well to take note of different ways of thought. But, even if we don’t agree, we must understand. Then, and only then, can we truly be a “world power”.

I hope that y’all have enjoyed my daily updates; it has probably been more fun for me than for you. There are so many times that I have wished for a giant teleporter, to bring everyone over to see the sights and experience different elements of my trip. I have done my best to use my writing to convey these experiences, but some things transcend any description. Hopefully, you will continue to check my blog, even though it won’t be from across the world… and there might not be pictures. It is sad for me to write this, and it seems as though I am saying goodbye to someone dear. Then, however, I realize it is quite the opposite. I am returning to those who love me and have missed me (hopefully), and then I start to get excited. Jet-lag is not something I look forward too and cross-country this week will be rough, but I so look forward to seeing, and reconnecting with everyone. Facebook has kept me pretty involved, but some things just can’t be communicated by pictures and messages. If you have any questions about things, people, or places that I have experienced, feel free to send me an e-mail (nate.tilley@gmail.com). And, if you would like to hear more about anything, I’d love to spend some time talking with you, maybe over some coffee or across the phone. The next time that you will here from me, I’ll be in the land of the Free (hey that rhymes!!), so enjoy this last taste of Asia, for the Asian Invasion has ended.

To see picture from the trip, click on the pictures link at the top of the page

Nate.

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Asian Invasion: Day 13 - Speaking & Eating

The end is near. Today was our last full day of business activities, and tomorrow holds only one morning engagement. Then, on Sunday I begin my trek east back to the West. It is quite appropriate that today has been a full day, as Fridays represent the end of our American work week. This morning began quite early--a solid six o'clock. Waking at this time, we set off for the seminary's morning chapel where my grandpa and I were to be guest speakers. We entered to the familiar sound of a praise band, and I was intrigued to see how American-sounding praise music has even been accommodated to Indonesian lyrics. Worship was a touching experience, to see how other cultures and languages respond to the love of God. Singing this morning was not that different from the states, but they do clap on the off-beats. Erika would be hopelessly lost.

Following worship, I went up to give my testimony. It was difficult for me to describe the work that God has done in my life to a different culture, as much of it has been philosophical, and not necessarily drastic or flashy. Though, it is my story, and I think it was interesting for them to hear some about life in the states. Speaking, however, was a very interesting experience, as I spoke through a translator. I would speak one or two sentences, and the seminary president would translate for the congregation. Nothing I have ever done in public speaking has been like this, and it really changed the way that I planned and presented my testimony. My grandfather also spoke, but he had a larger role--he preached the sermon through the translator. One thing that has amazed me on this trip is how gifted my grandpa is as a speaker. I never have heard him preach until this trip, and I'm impressed. I must have been missing out on this secret for a number of years. He, being a pastor in the Phillipines for about 17 years, was quite comfortable with the translator, and it was interesting to see them become more and more in tune as the message progressed.

In the time before lunch, we took the opportunity to talk to one of the Americans from South Dakota who teaches in the school here. Lunch this afternoon was a family-style Indonesian meal with the faculty of the seminary. Again, as with everywhere else we have been, the food was great. We had a local form of sweet and sour chicken, a vegetable stir-fry, and some mystery ball of fish, breading, and who knows what else. It was good, and that's all I that I want to know. I enjoyed talking to the president of the seminary, as his daughter is also a senior in high school, and it was very interesting to hear her college plans. Being across the world, I thought I was away from the college craze, but his daughter is also looking at schools in the area, applying for scholarships, and everything else we all do as seniors back in the states.

This afternoon, I finished all of the calculus that I was required to do (PRAISE THE LORD..), so I was very happy, to say the least. Weather here has begun to cool slightly, as it is currently raining as I sit here typing away. What is cool here is more like... say 75ish degrees in the states. Not exactly my idea of "cool", but it is a welcome change. Dinner tonight was also a welcome change, as I had the first home-cooked meal since I left the States. Two teachers in the international school had my grandpa and me over for dinner, which one of them prepared. Barbecue chicken, corn, and green beans were the dishes of choice, and it felt more familiar, more like home. I guess they are weaning me off of Asian food, preparing me for America again. What will I ever do with normal utensils? I'm sure we can find some chopsticks for me to use. This blog post is sorta like the day before the day before tomorrow, the day that will be the beginning of my return to normalcy. So, enjoy these while they last! To any GDS friends back home who stumbled his or her way onto my blog, enjoy your nice fall break and I'll see you next Tuesday...

mOrE pIcTuReS @ picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatripnate.

nate.

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Asian Invasion: Day 12 - Indonesia Edition

Suprise! You have pictures again, isn't it heart-warming. But really, the very nice man that we are staying with took me to a nearby camera store where I obtained a card reader and an appropriate battery charger for about 15 dollars total. Inflation is unbelievable, but I'm not complaining. Today has been a very different day, simply because of our location. Indonesia is vastly different from every other location so far. My first hint was the open hallway and the giant screen window above my bed, and, in the morning, we saw all of the palm trees. The climate here is akin to our wonderful Greensboro summer humidity, but it is like this all year here. I was told today that we are seven degrees of latitude from the equator. As we were leaving, our hosts asked if I wanted some sunscreen, to whom I respectfully declined. Even with the heat, I'll pass on the slimescreen--it is just not my cup-o-tea.

A tropical country, Indonesia is a system of hundreds of islands that are mainly low-lying and filled with palm trees, amongst other tropical greenery. The roads are yet another experience from the last countries, because the roads are filled with pot-holes and motor-bikes. Traffic is nowhere near the amount we saw in Korea or in East Asia, but evidently the holiday time has taken many people out of the cities back to their family villages. Instead, the streets are packed with motor-bikes and scooters, and Indonesians also don't have a comprehension of "reckless driving". Here it is not so much the tight merges and traffic, but the absence of lanes that causes strange traffic patterns. I think when I return to the quaint metropolis that is Greensboro, driving will be simply a mundane activity, not so exciting anymore. Maybe I’ll have to ride with J.P. a few times, just to get that feeling of speed and adventure again. :)

First this morning, I did a little school work, and then we went to meet a British couple who teaches at the international school. We had a nice time visiting with them, and we went to a local restaurant for lunch with another teacher. Surprisingly enough, most of the food here in town is fairly American, and most of the beef is imported. There is no pork—the majority religion is not really big on pork. Another thing that I really miss from the states is water. They do have water here, thankfully, but the tap-water is not potable. I never realized how much water I drink, but I miss having my nalgene poking out of my backpack whenever I need hydration. All over Asia, the people here do not drink much fluid, mainly small amounts of tea throughout the day. Never in my life have I so wished for good, clean, non-bottled water.

This afternoon, we first stopped by the school to see the campus. It was a very nice and well-maintained campus, and you can see a view of the school in the left picture. We then spent some time in the newly constructed mall here in town, to see how much Indonesia has become modernized. With such a strong religious base, (atheism is essentially illegal), it is interesting to see how much of this country’s religion is simply cultural. The true values of the people can be seen in how they spend their time and their money. Following our people-watching excursion, I spent some more time back at the house slaving over my tedious calculus homework. It seems as though the long homeworks of the last week are intended as punishment for my absence from school. Today has been mainly an opportunity to experience the culture, and there is plenty to take in. My senses have been in overload from taking into account all of the new scenery, people, and cultures. It is, however, an incredible intriguing location, and I’m pumped for the rest of my time here. Adios, hasta luego…

(We're all psyched that there are once again...) More pictures at picasaweb.google.com/nate.tilley/Asiatrip

nate.

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Asian Invasion: Day 11 - Another Day of Travel

Today has come to an interesting close. As we left East Asia this morning, we set off for the islands of Indonesia in the South Pacific. We took a very early flight from our previous location and we had to get up around 5 this morning. Long traveling plus early mornings equals a weary student attempting to finish his homework. After I cleared the sleepiness from my eyes around mid-morning, I buried my head in projectile motion equations and graphs of trigonometric functions with derivatives. Those made for a long day, let me tell you. The math for physics and the graphing we have done for math has convinced me that Calculus is straight from the devil. The TI-83 is the rebuke to said demons (thank you Texas Instruments!). Though math and physics consumed the majority of my day, it helped my sanity to make a nice dent in the pile of school work. We left Hong Kong after about 6 hours, and it was at the gate that we had our first glimpse of Indonesia.

As we began to line up for boarding, the line was filled with woman countless house maids from Hong Kong, all returning home for the end of Ramadan. It was incredible that at least three-quarters of the passengers were these women. After a short four hour flight, we arrived in Indonesia to an amazing welcome. From the air I could see fireworks shooting up across the city to celebrate the end of their month of fasting. It was quite a welcome. My first impressions of the country have been different than any other place. Since the majority religion is different, there are many more mosques and head coverings. Also, we drove by an area that has been covered by a gigantic mudslide originating from a drilling operation that penetrated a volcanic reserve (no bueno..). This happened back in 2006, but the mud is still bubbling up into homes and stores. It is a very unique problem. I am interested to see the city in daylight, but this country promises to be quite different than anything before. Until tomorrow…

On another note, there will be no more pictures temporarily for the blog. I know you are heart-broken, but I no longer have the cord to transfer these pictures, so I can’t see them either. It’s quite sad. Please speak to Father about this situation so hopefully I will get it back. Thanks.

nate.

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