Subterranean Homesick Alien

I'm no longer busy. Cross Country has ended. My college application for UNC is almost finished. I'm caught up with my school work. I've had more time for friends and free time, but feel a void. There is a darkness which is suddenly revealed. In the space left by my former stress and busyness, I have found a subversive loneliness and coldness which now entraps me. Where the mediocre warmth of my world used to be enough to help me through, my need for a affirmation is all the more amplified with the chilly fall air. Where a kind blue sky calls warmly to me, the wispy clouds droop and sulk, while they all but weep at the changing of times and the coming of winter. The fun and energy of summer is setting like the sun I now see fleeing from our town. I have always loved autumn--the crisp air, the energy of change. All of a sudden, this year is different. Changes have come, and I am not where I was last year. I yearn for Papa; I hear Yeshua passionately woodworking in his shed, as he prepares me for an exciting new season of life. As Oswald Chambers says, the true essence of life is not the mountain-tops, it is when we reside in the valley, when we come down from ecstasy and enlightenment, and face the slow canter at which we normally live. Like returning from the lake or the beach, we descend from glorious existence into our strikingly normal being. I want more. I want joy. I want exhilarating friendships. And he knows these things. He knows what I need. Papa puts me where he knows I need to be. So I trudge on, through the shadow in which I now reside. In that, I believe the shadow proves the sunshine--that our seasons of cold, leafless trees are followed by glorious blooms of color and pleasure.

Let me be Your clay, broken and formed into a new being.
Let the old pass away, let the new come forth.
Let my deadened leaves fall away, and Your Spirit bring forth new life

nate.