...And On We Go

How quickly time passes. Another day, another year, and yet they feel the same--2008 passes like another day marked only by drunk drivers and a giant ball. But yet, it is another day and the dark is fleeing from the sun's stampede and the horizon is brightening with all of the new opportunities and the excitement of college. This year in review cannot be described succinctly. Hours would be needed to relay how much I've learned and grown this year in so many ways. No year has ever been more difficult, more exiting, and more filled with God's invisible grace. His guidance is visible not in his blessings, though they have come, but in my struggles and afflictions. How much have I strayed? My year has been one of searching. So many new friendships have come and gone; new relationships have emerged and old ones have faded or left for college. My relationships have changed as I ventured into the world of women and opened my heart, and subsequently, I learned much.

Thankfully, my experiences were not all bad, giving me a little more insight and hopefully little kernels of wisdom. Relationships do not always have to end poorly, as I have won a dearly exquisite friendship, though the price to the end was steep. This year has been filled with unsuccessful experiences, but aren't we all the sum of our experience? My failures and shortcomings, slowly growing in number, have come together to create who I am today, a new person with a new perspective. If I could start the year over, rewind the tape back to January 1, 2008, how many things would I change! How painful has it been to be the clay in Papa's hands. In order to be molded, I must first be pounded into a softer material easier to mold to His purpose. I definitely have not enjoyed the ways in which he has softened me and pulled off my armor, but I am learning to embrace his oftentimes bold corrections. Friends are another whole topic that I could spend hours talking about, but this year has definitely also been searching in that arena. In a sea of my shifting priorities and venues, I have spent time with so many different people this year, and have enjoyed the unique friendships.

Searching in relationships, searching amongst friendships, I have also been searching for purpose. Applying to college, I spent a lot of time reflecting on my achievements, my activities, and my passions, trying to pull meaning from the experiences that have formed me. More and more, having a passion for learning, along with a love of religion, English, and philosophy, I see myself teaching or being a part of an institute of higher education. I always knew I was a little different, seeing as though I enjoy school to some degree, and now it seems as though I may end up being in school permanently. Most of all, beyond human relationships, purpose, and dreams, I could not begin to tell you, concisely, where the Great Lover has taken me this year. If someone had told me last New Years all of the things that I would go through this year, I would've trembled in fear. He has shown me the wonders of His Words and the beauty of His grace, but He has also humbled me with the depths of my own human corruption. I can't go into details, as I feel it is a better conversation for face-to-face, for God has worked wonders in my life this year. If you are interested, I would love to talk to you about it. A simple blog post explanation could not do justice to the relational roller coaster on which I have traveled with Papa. He holds my hand tightly while we walk together, and He catches my hand many times as I try to let go and cling to other loves. Women, wakeboarding, success, fear of failure, and so many more; I turn my face from His and I stretch towards these frail objects of little significance. He is relentless, and for that I praise him greatly, for who is like our God? That he would love me so indiscriminately, that he would take on himself everything I would ever do in disobedience to him, is so much more love than I can offer in return. But yet, he still loves me. HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD! No words can speak of His love greater than his Words, especially Psalm 136:

"Give thanks to the Lord,
His love endures forever!! (1)

to Him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever!! (4)

to the One who remembered us in our low estate,
His love endures forever!!!!!!" (23)


"Oh Lord, You have searched me and know me." (Psalm 139) And yet, he still loves me. That is beyond my comprehension. So as I end this brief tribute to a closing year, I cannot refrain from expressing my uncontainable joy in my Great Lover. My heart right now is grinning wide with the love of the Father, and I smile externally as I write this, for we do have a great God, who is to be praised for all he does. I cannot hold it in.

Happy New Year

nate.